Any fathers who didn't have a father of their own?

[encryptedbytes]

My parents were divorced when I was 6 and my father left for parts unknown never to be seen again. I grew up being raised by my mother. Although she didn't re-marry, she has had a 'significant other' for the longest time and he was there for most of the years I was growing up, but wasn't any kind of father to me. He used to beat me pretty good so I basically rejected him as a father and no relationship every developed.

Because of this, I've never really experienced having a father first hand. I don't really know how to act of what to say as a father except for what I've seen of other people's fathers and on television and in movies.

I've always tried to be a good father and do what I guess a father would do, but sometimes I really doubt myself and wonder if I am screwing my kids up for lack of experience.

Any other fatherless fathers here? What kind of struggles have you faced? What is your reference for what a father is and does?

 

[Bear]

I am a fatherless father, and I think I am a better father for it. I know what I missed in my childhood, and I try very hard to make sure my kids don't miss out on those things.

 

[meowcow]

I have a dad, but my dad didn't for most of his life. And from a son's perspective, I hope my opinion is a good contribution to your thread. It has always been very hard for both of us, and as I grew older it only became harder. Because he literally didn't know what to do with me except to send me to school and leave it at that. I always understood this and never hated him for it, but always felt something was missing. But nonetheless he always made it work for us, and he always tried to be supportive in everything I did in his own way and I've always really appreciated that about him.

 

[encryptedbytes]

I know what I missed in my childhood, and I try very hard to make sure my kids don't miss out on those things.

That's what I try to do, but sometime it is discouraging because you just don't know what you missed out on. I mean, you know what you wanted that wasn't there, but I imagine there a lot of things that weren't there and I never realized enough to "miss" them. I do my best, but I often wonder what I am missing and feel "incomplete".

I have a dad, but my dad didn't for most of his life. And from a son's perspective, I hope my opinion is a good contribution to your thread. It has always been very hard for both of us, and as I grew older it only became harder. Because he literally didn't know what to do with me except to send me to school and leave it at that. I always understood this and never hated him for it, but always felt something was missing. But nonetheless he always made it work for us, and he always tried to be supportive in everything I did in his own way and I've always really appreciated that about him.

Did you and your dad have a conversation about this at some point where he explained that he didn't know what to do? It sounds like you both worked together to get past that obstacle.

 

[Lorenzo]

My dad left us for another woman when I was only twelve. He was working in another city so we didn't know what he was doing until it was too late. He was a good father - was always there when we kids (there are three of us) had family activities in school; was always reminding us to be kind and considerate; and was always teaching good values to us. He was the type who never hesitates to say he is sorry when he was wrong; never fails to comfort us and to tell and show us that he loved us. But he had this flaw: he couldn't resist women.

Suffice to say, my siblings and I grew up without hearing from him after he ran away with his mistress. My mother slaved her way to send us to school without any help from him. There was a time when I really hated him for putting us through all the hardships - emotionally and financially. But I've already forgiven him. It is never healthy to hold grudges, especially on someone who gave you life.

As for fatherhood, it doesn't matter if you didn't have a father-figure growing up. You can still be the best dad - just follow your heart, it usually tells you what's right.

 

[Sinbian]

Thank God I had a father but a few of my friends did not. They are all very strong, decisive and capable people. I guess that saying applies to them: a boy becomes a man only after his father dies.

 

[Scooter]

I am a step dad who doesn't know his biological father. He would be in his 80s if he is still alive, so it is probably to late to do anything about it. I had a step dad for my later years, but he was the father of my half-brother and he never really cared for me.