Children and their feelings

[the saint]

How do you deal with the feelings of the children when they finally learn that their parents are getting a divorce?

 

[Richard]

My 3 kids all took it differently. The oldest got very quiet and when she talked about it, it was clear that she understood what was going on and was just sad. My middle daughter was the most affected, I would say, and needed lots of quality time with both me and my ex wife, separately and together. My youngest was, I hate to say "fortunately," but young enough that he adjusted fairly quickly.

 

[KSmith]

That's tough. Kids go through a lot when their parents divorce and it often confuses them. It's important to encourage them to talk to you about their feelings and never to make them think it's not okay to have them. Of course, you don't want your kids to dwell on and keep negative feelings, so find ways to help them work through them. Very important, too, is never talk negatively about your ex where your kids might hear it. Even if she's the worst person in the world, she is still their mother and you don't want to harm that relationship. It will only hurt the kids and confuse them more.

 

[daddyJoe]

I've been reading some interesting articles about not forgiving others and harboring bitterness and the effect it has on health. If those articles are right, I think it's very important to help your kids work through any bad feelings they have without making them feel like it's wrong to have them, so their health is not effected immediately or in years to come.

 

[Mack]

The main thing I would suggest that you stress to them is that the reason for the divorce is completely betweem mommy and daddy and that it's NOT their fault.

 

[Restless]

That is a tough one, especially if kids used to their parents being home all the time. Every child is different and approach should be adjusted to the child itself.

 

[PeterPater]

To be honest I can't even imagine having to deal with this situation. I have friends who are divorced, they have had various degrees of success in coping with the aftermath.

 

[noahsdad]

Every child is different. Try to open up the lines of communication between your children and yourself. Once you know how they feel you can move on to making them know it wasn't them and that you still love them vary much.