Divorce or Deception

[ProForums777]

What is worst, to live in deception with your wife or to divorce and let the family know that it did not work out? There are a lot of marriages that should be dissolved that don't dissolve due to family matters, personally I think is better to divorce, rather than to live in a lie, making our own comfort out of lies sometimes back fires big time. What do you think, should marriages live with deceptions and lies, instead of divorcing? Personally, I think most divorces go through the stage of lies and deception, before they finally divorce. So if you are on that stage, time to call it quits or have a really serious conversation.

 

[tommymac]

I guess it really depends about the lies and deception. Did your wife lie about doing the dishes or did she lie about a financial thing or did she lie about her relationship with a co-worker? Or are you talking about living the lie....the lie that you two are still in love?

 

[ghanashyam]

And why the marriage should not work in the first place? Because one of them has not taken it seriously. The divorce is more painful for the children and who knows you will get the worst things afterwards.
Here in India, wedlock is a deadlock and the marriages just work find, one should know how to cultivate partner.

 

[Lorenzo]

Or are you talking about living the lie....the lie that you two are still in love?

If this is the kind of deception that you are talking about, then maybe it's time you sit each other down and re-assess your feelings toward each other. Are your feelings (or lack of it) for each other even for real? For me, marriage should be made to last. If you or your spouse find yourselves "falling out of love", you should ask yourselves "why" and find ways to remedy this. After all, didn't you make a vow that you would stick by each other for better or for worse, till death do you part?

 

[youngone]

Living a life of deception and lies is no way to live your life. The guilt will gradually eat you up inside. I would rather go through the trauma of divorce because it will be better for everyone in the long term.

 

[Hank]

Divorce doesn't carry the stigma it did at one time. I don't think I would want to live with a secret like that. I agree with youngone that guilt would take a toll on you. Just make a clean break and start over.

 

[tommymac]

And why the marriage should not work in the first place? Because one of them has not taken it seriously. The divorce is more painful for the children

Actually, staying together just because of the children is more painful for the children.

 

[Victor]

And why the marriage should not work in the first place? Because one of them has not taken it seriously. The divorce is more painful for the children and who knows you will get the worst things afterwards.
Here in India, wedlock is a deadlock and the marriages just work find, one should know how to cultivate partner.

Children may find divorce painful, but generally speaking, prefer it over parents staying together for the sake of the kids. Can you imagine what a tense household that could be?

I think it's good that people can get divorced if they wish. Why live in misery (or live a lie)? We only have one life.

 

[erin]

I think deception is worse because eventually it will be found out. Look at Arnold Schwarzenegger. I'm betting Maria wish he would've just divorced her a long time ago.

 

[youngone]

And why the marriage should not work in the first place? Because one of them has not taken it seriously. The divorce is more painful for the children and who knows you will get the worst things afterwards.
Here in India, wedlock is a deadlock and the marriages just work find, one should know how to cultivate partner.

Marriages sometimes fail, that's life. People change and relationships change. Two unhappy parents staying together can be very harmful to the children. A friend of mine grew up hearing his parents argue and it still affects him today. Sometimes it is best to part ways and move on.

 

[mollew3]

I think it depends on what the deception is about. If its about you and your wife not agreeing on certain things than maybe you should try counseling and other arenas before you go through with your decision.

 

[daddyjay]

I think it can depend on the situation. You do not have to lie to people if your marriage is not the best. I think divorce should be carefully considered. People really need to give it time and thought But in some cases, divorce is necessary for everyone to be happy-in the long run.

 

[GC856723]

Just my two cents: It's better to end something that no longer exists, than to go on like everything is working perfectly. My ex-wife ended up being... Well, to be kind when she doesn't deserve that from me, she was unfaithful. She ended up giving me the option of separate or divorce, which was sort of silly in my opinion, so I painted her a fairly black and white picture. You're with me, or you're not. Yeah, I had to swallow my pride and move back in with my family because I couldn't afford my own place with the crappy job I had, but I walked out of that relationship knowing what not to do the next time. If there ever honestly is going to be a next time. That whole ordeal sort of soured my perception of marriage.

So yeah, in that situation, divorce is an option. Even when your lovely bride swears that she doesn't believe in divorce. Or that she's not a cheating cow.

 

[GC856723]

I think it can depend on the situation. You do not have to lie to people if your marriage is not the best. I think divorce should be carefully considered. People really need to give it time and thought But in some cases, divorce is necessary for everyone to be happy-in the long run.

Unfortunately, too many people jump the gun these days with marriage and divorce both. I think my marriage could have possibly been saved, but it would never have been the same again. And, well, I wouldn't have my son. Not that that relationship succeeded either, which the common denominator there is myself. So, apparently I'm the one that needs to fix things in his life, eh?

 

[youngone]

Just my two cents: It's better to end something that no longer exists, than to go on like everything is working perfectly. My ex-wife ended up being... Well, to be kind when she doesn't deserve that from me, she was unfaithful. She ended up giving me the option of separate or divorce, which was sort of silly in my opinion, so I painted her a fairly black and white picture. You're with me, or you're not. Yeah, I had to swallow my pride and move back in with my family because I couldn't afford my own place with the crappy job I had, but I walked out of that relationship knowing what not to do the next time. If there ever honestly is going to be a next time. That whole ordeal sort of soured my perception of marriage.

So yeah, in that situation, divorce is an option. Even when your lovely bride swears that she doesn't believe in divorce. Or that she's not a cheating cow.

Cheating would be an instant file for divorce, I would never tolerate it. I would not want my son to grow up in an unhappy family environment and that's what it would be if I tried to tolerate my wife cheating on me to keep the family together. It's absurd when you think about it, you did the right thing.

 

[Jatelo2]

I don't see divorce as an alternative unless the partner is having an affair and has refused to stop. Why would you have trial marriages where people try to find out whether they are compatible and if not they divorce?

 

[R. Paradon]

Divorce is never kind but it is much better to end a failing marriage then to carry on a facade that will not benefit anybody. As far as the children are concerned why should they be subjected to hearing all the arguments from people they love?

 

[youngone]

Divorce is never kind but it is much better to end a failing marriage then to carry on a facade that will not benefit anybody. As far as the children are concerned why should they be subjected to hearing all the arguments from people they love?

No child should be subjected to that. I remember going to my friend's birthday party when I was about 14. We all heard his parents shouting at each other upstairs and it ruined the party. His parents eventually got divorced, it was better for everybody.

 

[Gavin]

It's worse to live a lie. Divorce might hurt, but it's only a temporary hurt because the divorce process doesn't last forever. Living a lie hurts for as long as you are living it.

 

[Dad Brad]

I would much prefer the easier route. Make it work with your spouse. You brought children into this world. Stick it out for them and turn lemons into lemonade. By the time you're older, you should have weathered the storms. By then you might find out the grass is not greener.