Even though our son and daughter-in-law aren't married any more, we treat both parents as though they are our special people. When we have a cookout, we invite our grandson and both of his parents. I believe she is still his mother, and still our daughter-in-law. Is this weird, or are we helping our grandson in the long run? It works for us.
Grandparents friends with mom and dad
- Thread starter Donald
- Start date
If it works for you, I wouldn't question it. Personally, I think it's a great idea to include your ex-daughter-in-law in family get-togethers, because I would imagine it helps your grandson feel less like he has to take sides or choose one parent/family over the other. I can see that it wouldn't work for everyone, though, especially when divorces become bitter.
It might be a little uncommon but its not the worst thing in the world. I know many parents of both genders that sometimes fell left out when it comes to grand-parent time. Even for birthdays or just simply calling when the child might be having a sleep over with them. I like the idea myself.
JenVarsity
New Member
I don't mean to rain on your parade, but in my opinion, this would be awkward for everyone; it is for us.Even though our son and daughter-in-law aren't married any more, we treat both parents as though they are our special people. When we have a cookout, we invite our grandson and both of his parents. I believe she is still his mother, and still our daughter-in-law. Is this weird, or are we helping our grandson in the long run? It works for us.
My fiance of seven years stopped talking to his parents about 4 years ago specifically because of this reason. When he split with his son's mother, he felt their relationship should end as well. While I understand that she was there for a long time and bonds were formed, I can't help but agree with him becuase of the issues it has caused.
She was able to use his parents (and everyone else) as a babysitter prior to asking him to take the child - he was losing out on visitation because she really was USING his parents.
His parents would invite her to functions...while he tolerated her, why would he want to see her? They were separated. Her side of the family has plenty of functions where she can act motherly and interact with relatvies, she doesn't need to be included on his side as well. It was even stranger after she re-married and they invited BOTH the ex, her new husband, AND their daughter.
Because she talked to the family on a regular basis, when topics came up like "who was right" or "who felt what" things get hairy. When they went to court she tried to bring his parents is as witnesses in her favor...and for a while they were going to agree, until they realized they only knew her side of the story.
You see, your children don't tell you everything. Even if you think they do, they don't. So while it may not bother him on the surface, it probably does deep down.
Had his family cut her off years ago, we wouldn't have had to spend thousands of dollars in court against her a few years back. And we won by the way...so now where does his relationship sit with his parents? Now it sits in one of those, "I told you so" positions where his parents hardly talk to either of them and rarely see their grandson...or our daughter, their granddaughter.
If it works for you (and they thought it worked for them), that's great, but please, be careful that you are not jeopardizing your relationship with your son and grandson because of feeling the 'need' to bring everyone together. Their past is the past...she should not be offened if she is not invited. She might even be showing up to secretly 'twist in the knife'.
Good luck! Life is complicated.
If it works for you... good enough. The well-being of the children's psychological outlook is paramount to all other concerns, and if this situation makes them fine, it IS fine. Sounds like a healthy respect to me, which can never be a bad thing.Even though our son and daughter-in-law aren't married any more, we treat both parents as though they are our special people. When we have a cookout, we invite our grandson and both of his parents. I believe she is still his mother, and still our daughter-in-law. Is this weird, or are we helping our grandson in the long run? It works for us.
How can love and respect shown to others ever be bad?
Ownageprankers
New Member
It might be a little uncommon but its not the worst thing in the world. I know many parents of both genders that sometimes fell left out when it comes to grand-parent time. Even for birthdays or just simply calling when the child might be having a sleep over with them. I like the idea myself. It's nice that you still think of your daughter-in-law as part of your family. I'm sure your grandson will appreciate this as he grows older, since it would show that his happiness (everyone getting along with his mom) means much to you. If it works for you, I wouldn't question it. Personally, I think it's a great idea to include your ex-daughter-in-law in family get-togethers, because I would imagine it helps your grandson feel less like he has to take sides or choose one parent/family over the other.
Victor Leigh
New Member
Whatever happened between two consenting adults should not be allowed to impinge upon the innocent children's lives. I do not want to see my ex or speak to her again. Ever. However that doesn't mean I have totally cut off ties with her side of the family. Her brothers and sisters are still my children's uncles and aunts. And I still talk to them. Amiably. As before.
Of course, my situation is not exactly the same as the OPs. I am just trying to point out that a divorce does not mean that the two families have to be torn asunder.
Of course, my situation is not exactly the same as the OPs. I am just trying to point out that a divorce does not mean that the two families have to be torn asunder.
I don't think there's anything wrong with including the mother of your grandchild in things. It can be very healthy and good for everyone to remain friendly and still treat her as part of the family. Just don't send your grandchild the message that Mom and Dad are somehow still associated.