How do you get over the agony of grounding your kids?

[micromachne]

We all know kids will do bad stuff at times. It's part of the growing process.

The problem is, punishing/grounding them for their wrong doing is also part of the growing process. But it sure isn't easy on the parent, that's for sure. So even though you know you're doing what is best for the child, how do you get over that feeling of woe and guilt because you know it still punishes your child?

 

[josephconrad]

I was never grounded growing up. In fact, grounding probably would have been a welcome prospect for me, because I liked to hole up in my room and read, listen to music, write and so forth. Instead of grounding me, my parents would punish me in a way that they knew would hit me hard. Sometimes it was as stupid as "no dessert for a week."

 

[micromachne]

I was never grounded growing up. In fact, grounding probably would have been a welcome prospect for me, because I liked to hole up in my room and read, listen to music, write and so forth. Instead of grounding me, my parents would punish me in a way that they knew would hit me hard. Sometimes it was as stupid as "no dessert for a week."

But isn't that what grounding is in the first place? It isn't punishing or grounding if it isn't hitting the child where you know it hurts. So even if you feel no dessert for a week may have been stupid, if it bothered you, then it worked as intended.

 

[flfsurveyor]

The saying, 'spare the rod, spoil the child' still rings true. Part of bringing up children is the occasional need to have them experience the consequence of their mis-behavior. Don't let this 'feeling of guilt' bother you now. Think of the feeling of regret you may have in the future if your kids do not turn out ok because you failed to ground them.

 

[polamalu43]

I could not agree with you more on this topic. It is tough punishing kids! I try not to punish them unless they did something terribly bad, or if they keep doing the same thing over and over. When my kids get grounded they deserve it - I keep reminding myself that so it helps me get over it.

 

[BigPapa]

I do not find it tough at all because my daughter knows what the consequences are when she misbehaves. If she knows what is expected of her and knows what will happen if she deviates from that, then why should you feel bad? Kids need consequences.

 

[writer811]

I don't like to punish but when I do it's consoling to me to just remember that I'm doing it for their own good. If I let them go unpunished, the long-term consequences could be a lot more devastating, for both of us.

 

[Lorenzo]

Grounding the kids is something I never like to do, but if you have five children like me, it's better to "punish" them when they've done something wrong. Yes, the guilt feeling is normal, but you have to see the overall good it will do for your kids.

 

[Victor]

I'm not at the grounding age yet, but I do hate punishing my kids. I don't mind when they experience natural or logical consequences of their actions (within reason of course) but punishments like timeout really bother me.

 

[ghanashyam]

There is nothing wrong in grounding the child for his own benefits. In fact, few years, I have beaten my younger child quite hardly so that he inculcates the habit of reporting his whereabouts after 9 pm after which no member of my family is supposed to leave the house without my permission. This world is devious and a tender mind can be easily misguided by vagabonds using drugs and stealing.

 

[JRDeep]

The circumstances are temporary, as are the feelings that my kids feel during the punishment. I d;n't feel too bad about it. It's a learning experience. They have to know that you must deal with the consequences of your actions.

 

[Hedonologist]

I personally think that grounding is often an impractical punishment, they don't always go out for pleasure, and you're depriving their friends of fun as well. Only really serious offenses would warrant a grounding on my behalf but luckily nothing has ever cropped up yet.

 

[Victor Leigh]

I haven't used grounding as a punishment of any of my children. What they get is a lecture and then they are off to continue with whatever they are supposed to do. When they were still very young and not lecturable yet, a quick smack on the bottom is the end of the matter.

 

[taskeinc]

I never actually grounded my kids when they were younger. They are now 16 and 18. I probably spanked my kids once or twice, each, between the ages of 3 and 5 and it was no more than a couple of taps on the buttock.

As a parent, you have to be the person you want your kids to be in every aspect. When I was a kid, most parents held the mindset, "do as I say, not as I do." That philosophy will not work today. I have a son so I've always realized that I have to be the type of man I want him to be one day where morals are concerned. I have a daughter so I have to be the type of man I would want her to gravitate towards one day; respectful toward women, best provider he can be, etc.

I have always resorted to the lecture. There's been times when I'm almost certain that my kids wanted a whipping rather than hear one of my lectures. But, since I've never been into that type of discipline, they would get the lectures.

Today, we get along fantastic. My son graduated HS this past May, never got in trouble in school, his teachers always had good things to say about him from 1st grade to 12th grade. My daughter is in 11th grade, same thing. I don't say this to boast, it's more of a blessing than anything else. I would just talk to my kids (still do from time to time) about the fact that we are a team and we must work together. Being a single parent for all these years I would basically tell my kids, "I can't do this by myself, you guys have to help me, and the best way you can assist is by doing what you know is right." And they've both done that up to this point.

A lot of parents, in my humble opinion, place too many restrictions on their kids from the outset. Such as, dragging them to church all the time when (1) they don't understand what is going on, or why they are actually there, and (2) what the guy in the pulpit is talking about makes very little sense to them ..

I do realize I'm stepping on a few toes here, but let's be real, most kids don't understand, they are simply FORCED to act as if they understand based on some type of eternal damnation. I'm sorry, but I believe this is one of the primary reasons why parents have problems with their kids. When the rebellion comes, it's not necessarily going to manifest itself in and around church activities, but it will certainly rear its ugly head in other situations; such as school, getting along with peers, and being FOLLOWERS instead of LEADERS. Especially since the majority of most religious instruction is about being a GOOD and FAITHFUL FOLLOWER.

Children are smarter, much wiser than we were growing up, and much of their knowledge has to do with the fact that we are living in the information age. Therefore, telling most kids (unless they are brainwashed at an early age) some of these Biblical stories is as real to them as the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy.

 

[edvisual]

We all know kids will do bad stuff at times. It's part of the growing process.

The problem is, punishing/grounding them for their wrong doing is also part of the growing process. But it sure isn't easy on the parent, that's for sure. So even though you know you're doing what is best for the child, how do you get over that feeling of woe and guilt because you know it still punishes your child?

I always think of this situation as a situation that they will learn from it in the future and then, they start thinking about what they've did and usually start questioning themselves: "What did I do wrong?", "Aw man, I hate being grounded.. How can I stop getting myself grounded?"

Just watch it this way and you'll be fine. You may want (after the grounding ends) to talk to him/her about what they've did and try to make them learn a lesson from this

 

[Niceness8000]

I don't actually feel guilty about punishing my son. I honestly believe that it's in his best interest to learn these lessons through discipline. I just don't hold a grudge once the crime has been punished.

 

[erin]

I have no problem at all grounding or taking away computer games. Of course I end up with a glass of wine by the end of the day after all their whining.