Introducing the new woman

[Gavin]

This is a very important issue for me. I'm recently divorced, have a 13 year old daughter, and a girlfriend I would really like to make a more important part of my life. I would like to make the transition of putting one adult female into my daughters life, even though I only see her once a week, as seamless as possible.

Any thoughts on how I can help these two, my daughter and girlfriend, gel easily together for the first few times they meet?

 

[Dad Brad]

I would have a couple of talks with my daughter before bringing the new woman onto the scene just to let her know that you are concerned about her feelings in all this. Just knowing that you are factoring in her feelings is so much better than just forcing the issue without even consulting her.

 

[Lorenzo]

So your girlfriend and daughter haven't met yet?

I do agree with Brad, you need to talk to your daughter about it and see how she feels about getting chummy with your girlfriend. Don't forget the fact that your daughter is 13, quite a confusing and rebellious age.

You may also want to try asking your girlfriend's opinions regarding this matter, after all, she will also need to exert effort in winning your daughter over.

 

[Victor]

I agree with the others. Discuss the matter with both women in your life. I would start with the girlfriend, since there is no point in potentially upsetting your daughter with the discussion if the girlfriend isn't ready yet.

 

[Gavin]

That is all good advice, thank you. It's how my daughter will/might react that has me the most concerned. My girlfriend is smart and knows how to talk to kids, so I have every faith she'll handle it well.

 

[BigPapa]

If you and your girlfriend have made the decision to move forward, then I say have a conversation with your daughter. Make sure she knows that your girlfriend is not meant to replace her mother but that she makes you happy and you would like for them to meet. I would try doing something that your daughter likes that might be neutral territory for the first few meetings.

 

[Mel]

Is there something that your daughter and your girl friend have in common? Maybe they both like to shop for clothes or something. If you could find something they both like to do, maybe the three of you could all go do it together and see what the natural dynamic is between them.

 

[Don]

I would probably wait until after Christmas as this might upset your daughter since you are recently divorced. Perhaps you can do this in January and tell them both that you want to think of new beginnings in a new year.

 

[Timothy]

My brother is going through the same thing. He divorced from his daughter's mother not long after their daughter was born, but up until recently, his daughter has been the only woman in his life - at least to his daughter's knowledge. Now that he's dating, his 13 year-old daughter is having a very hard time with not being the center of his universe anymore. My advice would be to talk with your daughter about the woman you've been seeing and explain to her how you need an adult companion in your life. Let your daughter know that this new woman won't come between you and your daughter, and then make sure that doesn't happen. And remember, while girlfriends will come and go, you only have one daughter. Always make sure your actions reflect your priorities.