I was married to my loving wife Almost 2 years ago we have three children together. The two oldest are not my biological children. Really though that doesn't matter to me blood or not I'm the only father they have. when people ask i say the are my biological kids. Certain people think it is wrong for me to say that. Is it really? let me know where you stand.
Step kids? No way!!!
- Thread starter RoRobb
- Start date
Victor Leigh
New Member
They are your children for all practical purposes. So what's the big deal about being their biological father or otherwise? I doubt if your step children would be looking for their biological father any time soon.
Saying you are biological is lying, does no one else here see that? I understand entirely where you are coming from but if you break down the meaning of the word in the end you are lying. It takes maybe three minutes to explain that you might be the own man they know as a father but lead by example, why teach them now that is it okay to lie when it is not??
I guess I should explain this a bit better. It isn't so much that I go around saying they are my biological kids. It is more of a case of when people ask how many kids I have I include them in the number. Instead of saying I have 2 step kids also. I just don't make a point to say they are my step kids. I have been in there life since they were both little and they call me dad. They both want to have their last names changed to mine so I see no point in pointing out the fact that they are step kids especially if I will be adopting them.
I don't think there's anything wrong with including them when people ask you how many children you have. However, like Andersson pointed out, it is lying to refer to them as your biological children when they are not. When it boils right down to it though, it's no one else's business if they are "really" yours or not, and anyone who casually asks you to differentiate should be told to mind their own business.
Victor Leigh
New Member
I should say, technically, you are not lying. After all nobody asked you how many biological kids you have. They asked how many kids you have and they are your kids. So you are not lying. However, when they come of age, I would suggest that you tell them the truth and not let them find out on their own.
I have two step-children and they grew up with me as their dad. When people ask how many kids I have, I always tell them I have five. It's never a big deal to me nor to the kids. Of course, when people point out that the kids don't resemble me, that's when I have to tell them that they are not mine biologically.
Even though they are not your Biological Children, you have to be responsible for them in whichever way their real dad would have. Another thing is that you are married to their blood mom which further strengthens the ties between you and the kids. As per your confession of being the real dad, I feel that might not be necessary. You can be honest but responsible.
If my wife and I do decide to divorce instead of get back together, I would hope any man who married my wife the next time would be comfortable enough to count mine in the number of children he has. I think it's commendable that you count them in the number of children you have.
R. Paradon
New Member
Who cares about blood lines? What is more important is the love between you and your kids. I would call them my kids because they would be my kids!
I believe how you feel isn't as important as what kind of person you will be in their life. For example, it may not be possible to be a parental figure in their eyes, but you can still lead by example. I have 4 step sons and they are exposed to a very abusive, narcistic father. As such, my best involvement in their lives is to show them that there is an alternative way to live and deal with problems. It certainly has more impact on the younger ones.
footballtim
New Member
In the normal scheme of things, the blood lines should not get in the way of your relationship with your children. However, that was one place where my family was dysfunctional. From oldest to youngest, there was me, my brother, and my three sisters. Me and my brother were adopted along with my oldest sister. My middle sister was my parents' first biological child. Because of that, they favored her greatly, and because she turned out to be a disaster as a person, it caused our family to be a disaster. Parents with more than one child should never favor a child. Anyone who does that is asking for nothing but trouble.
ghanashyam
New Member
That is the best way of running smoothly the whole family. Either you take the whole apple or leave it, a proverb in India. Once you marry a woman with children of her previous marriage, these things complicate if not thought beforehand.