Taking sides when your kids fight

[Lorenzo]

How do you deal with your own kids fighting each other? Is it normal for you to take sides or do you just tell them to stop and punish them (like grounding or taking away their favorite gadget)?

 

[Niceness8000]

I guess it depends on how much of the details you have in regards to how the fight started. If you know how it started, then punish the one who instigated the fight a little more than the one who retaliated. If One is picking on the other and the fight started out of self-defense, I would just punish the one causing the trouble. I guess for me it's a case-by-case basis. I tend to monitor behavior anyway, so I'd want to know everything about how it started.

 

[Foster]

I personally would punish both, I'm of the opinion you only fight when you need to and should never fight with each other. Having said that me and my brother used to do it.

 

[Andersson]

We always separated them until they could behave. Some people say we got lucky but it does take strong (not harsh) discipline and its not always about who can yell the loudest. I see younger parents doing this all the time and they still have the same unruly kids years later.

 

[flfsurveyor]

It really depends on what is was all about. But usually, its about nothing at all. We would call them both to stop it and separate them. Unless, they began to hurt each other, no punishment is meted out. The one who struck first will be punished; if the other hit back, the that kid will be punished as well, less severely. Punishment could be withholding or reduction in allowance or grounding.

 

[writer811]

Usually I punish the one who started it and give the other one a stern talking to. However, sometimes it really is a clear case of one fighting the other and the other defending themselves, in that case I might not punish the defender at all. Sometimes you can't do anything except fight back.

 

[edvisual]

How do you deal with your own kids fighting each other? Is it normal for you to take sides or do you just tell them to stop and punish them (like grounding or taking away their favorite gadget)?

In this situation, I would probably punish both of them. If you punish only one of them, the other one starts making wrong thoughts about you some of them even over reacted like: "My dad loves my brother more than me"

 

[tommymac]

Circumstances really are important here. Was one provoking the other? Was there a greater argument involved?

I would talk to the aggressor about appropriate escalation and how violence in an argument is a tacit admission that you're wrong. Also, there's no honor in picking on someone you know you can beat up.

You talk to the defender about appropriate response. Fighting is a last resort. Couldn't have have called you to intervene before it got out of hand?

 

[Don]

There is a pretty big age gap between our daughter and our son, so we really don't have to deal with this anymore. Our daughter now babysits our son on occasion and he knows that she is "boss" when it is just the two of them.

 

[youngone]

It's important to not take sides when your kids are fighting because this can make the fighting worse. I was fortunate enough to have parents who didn't take sides when I fought with my younger brother, they treated us equally.

 

[Victor Leigh]

No, I don't take sides. What I do is follow my mother's example. When I was a kid, and I fought with my brother, my mother would spank both of us. She's not interested in who started the fight first. The net result was that my brother and I learned not to fight.

 

[themdno]

Like others have said, it depends on the situation. But, if I'm not sure what was going on, or why they are fighting, I don't try to figure it out. I make them them stop, and that's it. I don't want one to be perceived as the bad guy, when we never really know the whole story. It's better to just teach them to stop fighting, rather than prove who is right or wrong.

 

[Jeremy Green]

Generally when my kids fight, I will let them settle their differences. However, if there is a physical altercation, I will step in and assist as needed until they have worked it out .