Troubled by daughter's relationship

olderthandirt

New Member
One of my twins has a boyfriend that I just plain do not like. He's manipulative and downright abusive, at times - not physically, or I'd have dropped him on his head by now, but emotionally. I just don't know what to do.

I know better than to try to forbid the relationship. I actually got desperate enough to try, but it didn't work. Now I keep talking to her about having more respect for herself and that she can do far better than that loser.

Any other suggestions?
 

Timothy

New Member
The only thing you can do is express your dislike for him and explain why. At the end of the day though, you don't have a lot of control over the situation. Forbidding the relationship will only make it more enticing, but it sounds like you already know that.

She may just have to figure it out "the hard way". My wife went through a score of those before she and I were married, despite her dad's best efforts to sway her. My sister was the same way. She and my mom went round and round til my mom was blue in the face over various losers my sister dated in high school.
 

Andersson

New Member
How old is she? Thankfully we never had this issue with our girl but my sister did with her oldest. First she tried to forbid it and quickly realized how that could backfire. Then she let it go while still being the listening ear her daughter needed. Pretty soon the girl wised up and left the little bugger.
 

Bear

New Member
The best thing that you can do is just to leave it alone. Let her know that you are there to talk if she wants, but other than that leave it be. Even telling her she should "have more respect for herself" is just egging it on.
 

On The Mark

New Member
Keep stressing the self-respect and keep the emotions you do show her positive. Do a lot of both of those and soon enough she'll see what a man does when they love someone. Give it time and she'll end it with that kid soon enough.
 

olderthandirt

New Member
I hope you guys are right. She's seventeen now, and I have these nightmares of them getting married. I am leaving it alone, but it's hard to do. I've been trying to bring up the topic of how people should treat the people they love and give her good examples whenever I can.
 

Salazar

New Member
It sounds like you're doing all you can. Keep on giving her positive examples and hopefully she'll get sick of the loser soon enough. I dread going through this with my daughter.
 

Sinbian

New Member
No matter how much she thinks she likes him, your honest opinion, said calmly to her, will have a bigger impact. With time she will realize it by herself.
 

Timothy

New Member
I have to disagree with Sinbian here. You can tell her what you think of the guy all you like and as calmly as you please, but at 17, she is going to have way more regard for her own hormones than your opinion. Not trying to be rude or crass here, but I think we can all remember what it's like to be 17!
 

Sinbian

New Member
I was a bit rebellious and I never listened to my parents at first. But later on I realized that I always trusted their judgment and that they would never say something without a reason. If you are true to your daughter and you sense some trouble I think saying it to her will influence her actions.
 

olderthandirt

New Member
I don't know about that. Telling a teenager you don't like something is almost tantamount to telling them to like it - they tend to do the opposite because they think we don't know what we're talking about. I don't think seeing it from our view happens until they're older, looking back.
 

Timothy

New Member
I agree with you, olderthandirt. That's why I had to disagree with Sinbian's post. I almost think it would benefit you more to use a little reverse psychology and go head over heels "in like" with the guy. If you just let the relationship play its course, though, the new will probably wear off soon enough and hopefully she'll be on to someone a lot better for her.
 
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