What to do if they love you more

Babar

New Member
If you had a stepchild that claimed to love you more than their biological dad, would you encourage that sentiment, or try to adjust it?
 

Victor

New Member
I'm not in that situation but it sounds like a dicey one! I guess I would probably tell the kid that I am grateful and love him/her too but the other dad loves him/her as well (unless it was a case of a deadbeat or abusive father).
 

Lorenzo

New Member
If you had a stepchild that claimed to love you more than their biological dad, would you encourage that sentiment, or try to adjust it?
My two stepchildren grew up having me as their dad, so in my case, I'm not surprised that they love me more than their biological fathers. They haven't seen nor heard from their dads (one just passed away recently) in a long while, not their choice but the fathers. For us, it's really not an issue.
 

Jack

New Member
I guess that my reaction to that kind of situation is that "it is what it is". How can someone feel differently than how they really feel? I certainly wouldn't want to send any kind of message that could end up making the child feel rejected.
 

themdno

New Member
If I had step-kids, and they said that to me, I think my reaction would be to say 'I'm sorry.' I wouldn't encourage it, or discourage it. They could feel the way they feel, it's their choice either way. But, it's sad that they feel that way.

Even if it makes you feel like you're doing you're job as the step-dad, it still is sad that they don't feel closer to their real parent.
 

Kina

New Member
I am in the reverse situation. My kids new stepfather is trying to bump me out of the way it seems. I live so far from them it is hard to combat. He his coaching their little league and a bunch of other stuff. I do not have any evidence he is trash talking me, but if I find out he is, dude is getting punched in the mouth. In front of the kids. I know this is a horrible thing, but it is what will happen.

Kind of pisses me off, because he is using my child support cash to shine.
 

JoshTheBoss

New Member
If you had a stepchild that claimed to love you more than their biological dad, would you encourage that sentiment, or try to adjust it?
I think you have to be fair to the biological father and try to adjust it. Encourage her to love you, but that doesn't mean she should think any higher of either of you. Her father is always going to be her father, but you were willing to take her in as your family. I don't think it's fair to either to allow that to continue.
 

Michael

New Member
I would go out of my way to encourage my stepchild to have a loving relationship with the biological father. My own relationship with the child would not be threatened by this. I would also be sincere in my desire because I know how important the parent-child relationship is.
 

Victor Leigh

New Member
Personally I would just let it be. Like just be your own self. If the kid loves you more, fine. If the kid loves his biological father more, fine. No point in getting worked up over something as elusive as an emotion.
 

flfsurveyor

New Member
Agree with Victor Leigh. But, make sure to acknowledge the fact that your stepchild told you he/she loves you. Tell the kid/s that you love him/her too. You can not question, encourage nor discourage emotions. Your stepchild has his/her reasons for feeling the way he/she does.
 

themdno

New Member
I am in the reverse situation. My kids new stepfather is trying to bump me out of the way it seems. I live so far from them it is hard to combat. He his coaching their little league and a bunch of other stuff. I do not have any evidence he is trash talking me, but if I find out he is, dude is getting punched in the mouth. In front of the kids. I know this is a horrible thing, but it is what will happen.

Kind of pisses me off, because he is using my child support cash to shine.
I feel you on that. That is probably what I would do, punch him out in front of everybody. It sounds messed up, but, in a way, I think it sends a good message, to everyone.
 

Jatelo2

New Member
I do not see any problem with that at all. The fact that these kids confess superior love for me doesn't change the fact that I'm not their biological father. When the time comes when a biological farther is needed, they will see sense of also loving him. Meanwhile I would cherish their adoration of me (since it will not be forever) as long as it doesn't affect their relationship with the real dad!
 

micromachne

New Member
I think if that was me, I'd be grateful. But at the same time, I wouldn't encourage the child to love me more. That's not something I can control. But if the child does love the step father more, it could be either because he spoils the child. Or, the biological father is a P.O.S.

And I'm sure you all know what P.O.S stands for.
 

writer811

New Member
Well, it depends. If their biological father genuinely loves them and does his best to care for them, I would encourage them to love him more. He is their dad after all and he is making an effort. Or I would tell them to love their dad just as much. If they can't, then at the very least I would say to not let their dad know that.
 

micromachne

New Member
Well, it depends. If their biological father genuinely loves them and does his best to care for them, I would encourage them to love him more. He is their dad after all and he is making an effort. Or I would tell them to love their dad just as much. If they can't, then at the very least I would say to not let their dad know that.

Yeah, but it's such a rare happening that a step father is more loved than the biological one. Either the step father spoils the kid or the biological father must be a REAL lowlife or simply seen as too tough to the child.
 

Victor Leigh

New Member
Yeah, but it's such a rare happening that a step father is more loved than the biological one. Either the step father spoils the kid or the biological father must be a REAL lowlife or simply seen as too tough to the child.
No, I don't think it's that uncommon especially if the step father comes into the picture when the child is still very young.

Unless the stepfather goes out of his way to be unfatherly, the normal process of growing up with the stepfather will tend to create feelings of love from the child for the stepfather.
 

micromachne

New Member
No, I don't think it's that uncommon especially if the step father comes into the picture when the child is still very young.

Unless the stepfather goes out of his way to be unfatherly, the normal process of growing up with the stepfather will tend to create feelings of love from the child for the stepfather.


I only say what I do based on two of my own friends I've seen in the situation. Difference being, they weren't exactly "little" kids and the time. They were both about in the 8-10 range when the step father came into the picture.
 
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