Why Marry her if you don't love her kids?

Jatelo2

New Member
The biggest conflict for the step father is based on whether they have affection for both the mother and her children. It is true that one might find it very hard to give equal love to step children, but at least he should show some love. Here is a situation where one loves the mother but not the kids hence he mistreats and talks very bad things to them. Don't you think that if you can't love the kids, then you have no business marrying their mother?

What is your opinion?
 

R. Paradon

New Member
For once, Jatelo, I agree with you 100% (guess it was the odds, LOL).

When you marry a person who has children from a previous relationship it should be a package plan. The kids should be part of the decision as well.

If they do not feel comfortable with the step-father then the mother should not go ahead with the wedding.
 

youngone

New Member
It is a tricky situation. Some men will never be accepted by the kids, especially if they are teenagers. I don't think that should stop you marrying the woman you love if that's what you both want to do. You should try your best to maintain a civil relationship, even if you will never be close.
 

daddyjay

New Member
I think you need to love the kids as well. The love will depend on how accepting they are of you, I would guess to some extent. I love my soon to be step-kids and so this is not an issue. I just don't see how a relationship can work if you do not also care about her children.
 

Lorenzo

New Member
You should learn to love the kids if you ever plan to marry their mother. R. Paradon is right, it's a package deal.

When my Aunt - who was a single mom - got married, her husband initially tried to act all nice and loving towards her kid, but when the time came when they had kids of their own, his feelings toward his stepson changed dramatically. My cousin was only five when his mom got married, but he swears he never felt being loved by his stepfather. What's hard is that my aunt always ends up taking the side of her husband, so my cousin had to leave home after High School and stopped talking to his mother since then.
 

ghanashyam

New Member
You should learn to love the kids if you ever plan to marry their mother. R. Paradon is right, it's a package deal.

When my Aunt - who was a single mom - got married, her husband initially tried to act all nice and loving towards her kid, but when the time came when they had kids of their own, his feelings toward his stepson changed dramatically. My cousin was only five when his mom got married, but he swears he never felt being loved by his stepfather. What's hard is that my aunt always ends up taking the side of her husband, so my cousin had to leave home after High School and stopped talking to his mother since then.
Or may be the cousin was not able to accept the step father with whole heart and would look at everything with a different attitude.
These things are very nasty. Even my younger son would sometimes complain that I am partial to his elder brother.
 

Justadad

New Member
I know what it's like because my stepson was a teenager and found it difficult to accept me. I had to try harder than I'd tried at anything else, and I did it because I loved his mother and didn't want to lose her, but I know that it was very hard work.
 

Victor

New Member
It's a tough situation, but I do think men should look at kids as part of the deal. They need to learn to get along and hopefully love the kids.
 

Christian

New Member
I think that the family and the mom are a package deal. If everyone can't get along and you don't love the kids then no one will be happy.
 

Dad Brad

New Member
I think of it in another way. Who would want to marry a mother of children who would marry someone who didn't love her children? That he is mean to them makes it even worse.
 

Endalia

New Member
I have a cousin who has a stepdaughter and she's a brat. The only thing she wants from my cousin is money. That's the problem. The mother knows it's happening but she won't do anything about it and the biological father just encourages the girl.
 

Gavin

New Member
Don't you think that if you can't love the kids, then you have no business marrying their mother?
That's exactly what I think. At the very least, step-parents should try to be the children s' friend. From there, work your way up to parent status. It sounds easier for everyone involved.
 
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