Talking to Your Daughter About Sex

So, it’s that time, and your wife tells you that YOU have to have “the talk” with your daughter. It’s becoming more common for fathers to have the sex talk with their daughters. Typically, dads would rather avoid those kinds of discussions with their “little girls”. But, somebody has to do it, and you talking with her about sex is better than her getting the information from her friends.

Your approach and the venue are your first priority when planning to have “the talk” with her. You should choose a place where she is comfortable: her bedroom or the car when it’s just the two of you (no siblings allowed for this conversation). Depending on your relationship with your daughter depends on how you approach the subject with her. If you have an open-dialogue relationship, then simply saying “I want to talk with you about sex,” might not send her running away from you. If your relationship is one that she knows something is up when you suggest taking a car ride together, then perhaps easing into the subject is your best bet.

As you begin the conversation, it’s okay to admit to her that you are embarrassed, because she’ll be embarrassed, too. Plus, that’s a great icebreaker for the conversation. It should be stressed that this can be an open conversation, but you should mean it when you say it. You will have to prepare yourself ahead of time for anything she might possibly tell you or ask you. Sometimes when you’re a parent, you don’t have the option to back out of things because it’s uncomfortable for you.

If you’re still uncomfortable, being technical about the discussion may help you gear up to the serious portion of “the talk”. Discuss a girl’s body, a boy’s body, and the differences between the two. Remember to use the proper terminology. If you’re having this discussion with her, she’s too old to hear the body parts referred to as “boobies” and “pee-pee”. Hormones should also be discussed during this portion of the conversation.

You can then segue into sex. Try to explain to her what she will be going through both before and after she has sex for the first time. If you’re not sure, then do some research before the conversation. It should be stressed that the decision to have sex is a mature decision and not to be taken lightly. There should be love and commitment by both parties in the relationship before even thinking of beginning a sexual relationship.

Keep in mind that you can give your daughter a different perspective on this topic. You understand the male’s perspective first hand. You can give her insights into what the boy is thinking and how to react to the boy’s advances. Personal safety is also a topic that should be covered.

And while we’re talking about personal safety, this is the time to remind her about birth control and sexually transmitted diseases (STD). Go over all the options for protecting her from getting pregnant and also protecting her from receiving an STD. She may say that she has already learned this in school, but it doesn’t hurt to reinforce what she has learned.

No matter what you say to her, it should come from the heart. Make sure she knows the door is open in case she has questions or needs to talk with you further about sex. If you aren’t open about discussing it with her, she will not feel open enough to come to you with questions or concerns. It is also important to not freak out on her when she does come to you with questions or concerns. That will send her the message that you are not willing to discuss the matter further with her.

In spite of everything, this can be a wonderful opportunity to establish a trusting bond with your daughter that could last a lifetime. If you can discuss this most difficult topic with her as a teenager, then she will be more willing to discuss other things with you as she grows into adulthood. It all starts with those first steps you make.