The two biggest fears for a child when their mother or father has met someone new is the fear of becoming less important in their parents lives, and the fear of the new person replacing their biological parent that is no longer in the home. Children of single parents can become very jealous and protective of their parents when they meet someone new. Especially when the parent who is no longer living in the home may be replaced by this new person. Children will always want their parents to get back together. Divorce can be very hard on a child who was used to having both parents in the home. The key is to always communicate and be honest with a child. When a child feels like they are a part of the decision making in the family, it keeps them from feeling left out. A parent should never tell their child right off that they have met someone because the relationship may not work out. This could become heartbreaking for a child who gets to know the person and likes them. A child needs to be slowly integrated into a relationship at a slow pace, so that they can get to know the other person. When a parent has been dating a person for many months, and they know that this person is someone that they want to spend the rest of their life with, this is when a parent can tell the child about the new person in their life.
The best way to tell a child that they have met someone new is to be honest with them. They should tell them about the person, where they met them, how they met them, and how they feel about that person. The parent should also tell the child everything about the person, so that they can already feel like they know them before they meet them. Let the child know that this new person will never replace their mother or father. A parent should also let the child digest the news about the new person in their life before they set up a meeting. Communicating and talking to a child about how they feel about their parent meeting someone new can help relieve their fears about being replaced. A child should know that they will always come first in the parents life, no matter which new person comes into it. A child who knows where they stand in the parents life, is a well developed child. If a parent goes on a date with this new person, they should talk to their child after the date, and let them know how the date went. Include them in the fun stories about the date, so that the child does not feel that the parent is hiding their life from them.
Some parents may feel that the need to have a child’s blessing so much is like giving them the upper hand in the parent and child relationship, but if they become insensitive to a child’s feelings, this could cause a child to feel as if they do not have the right to feel. This could cause the child to feel suppressed. There should be an equal balance in telling the child about a new person in their life, yet not allowing their child to dictate who the parent can or can not see. A parent should never break up with a person because their child does not want their parent to date other people. The child will then feel as they have the upper hand. A child could also believe that they can act up, and it will change the parents mind about dating anyone else. Communication and an equal balance of love and understanding is all a child really needs to get used to the idea of their parent dating someone new.