The relationship between a father and daughter is a very important one. A good relationship is built on trust, acceptance, communication and spending time with each other.
Close families and wandering kids
We have all heard the stories from our elders, or even from our peers. Stories about families eating together, going on vacation together, and sharing their lives. Are these stories merely the result of selective memory, nostalgia, or fantasy? Did the Beaver Cleaver world of the 1950s, where the most serious threat to face a family was the Beaver’s troubles with his paper route, ever really exist?
Certainly not to the extent that some people remember it. Life has never been a trouble-free experience, and the same is true for families. There is no denying, however, that many families today appear to be drifting apart to some extent. Many blame the dominance of technology, and it is difficult to refute their claims. Prior to the widespread adoption of television in the 1950s, families had only themselves, the neighborhood, and the radio to fill their evenings, weekends, and free time. Today, in the much vaunted thousand channel universe, along with burgeoning internet technologies, cell phones, video games, and whatever else may have been invented in the time this article was being written, mom, dad, and little brother must seem a very boring alternative indeed to the cornucopia of electronic options offered to young adults.
And young adults are central to the changes that families are undergoing in the early twenty first century. Unlike the families of 100, 50, or even 25 years ago, families of today are focused on teenagers to an unprecedented degree. Due in large part to financial and advertising pressures, the societal demographic between the ages of 12 and 18 is most definitely being heard as well as seen. Desires, insecurity, and lack of long term planning are all at a peak during these years, facts that have not been lost on profit minded advertisers. A society in which this age group wields more financial and social power is a society in which more money is spent.
The side effect of this phenomenon is based on the fact that many teenagers view the world in tribal rather than familial terms. Their opinions, their priorities, their likes and dislikes, all are developed within the context of their peers. Any despairing mother or father who has watched their growing son or daughter fade from the family portrait into the faceless mass of “youth” is familiar with this fact.
Is this a good thing or a bad thing? The answer is not so simple. Certainly, more authoritarian eras in which children were seen and not heard, and often not respected, had as many problems as today. Perhaps what is needed is a melding of the two rather divergent views of familial propriety, combining what is best from both of them. Parents who wield authority over their children, but also parents who have earned that authority by the respect and love that they show to their children. Children who are allowed increasing amounts of freedom, but who have earned that freedom through a demonstration of maturity and good judgment.
The “close family” is just one of many societal norms that is perhaps not as normal as we would like to believe. Certainly, a family in which everyone gets along and shares is a pleasant place to be, but that should not blind us to the fact that there are many other ways of being. Some children will feel suffocated within the same environment where their siblings thrive. The ultimate test of a caring and supportive family is whether it can allow its members who need it, the space and freedom to be distant.
Some of these distant family members never really return to the family fold. But, not surprisingly, those who are allowed to wander as they grow older most often maintain relations with their family that might have been permanently damaged if they had been held on too short a rein. It is knowledge and understanding of one another, rather than constant proximity, that are the real test of a healthy family unit.
Time Management Skills for Busy Dads
Time is a rare commodity for working fathers. Gone are the days of idyllic family life where dad is home in time to play catch with junior or spending the evening with his wife. Family, work, and other demands seem to dominate the landscape of most men’s lives in this modern age. Learning to sort through the things that matter most is fast becoming an art form.
What can a busy father do? There is no cure for the many things that pull on parents these days, but a few strategies can help reduce the stress and maximize the quality of time a father has with his children.
Establish routines
Routines seem simplistic, but their value cannot be overstated. Time can be either master or servant; and the establishment of sensible routines can give a busy dad the upper hand. Morning times, for example, can be extremely hectic as parents and children try to scramble out the door. In households with multiple children, stagger the times the children wake up to reduce traffic jams in the bathroom and to help see to each child’s needs immediately. Backpacks for school and diaper bags for daycare are best packed up the night before and placed by the door
Carve out a few minutes each morning for the family to eat breakfast together. Starting the day as a family creates a feeling of unity, leaving each member feeling connected. This is one of those exercises in quality, not quantity time. Keep the menu simple. A bowl of cereal or a toaster pastry is adequate. The basics of nutrition are not on trial here; but the nurturing family connections take priority.
Evenings can be hectic as well, especially with multiple activities for different family members. Attach a large desk calendar to the front of the refrigerator to keep track of every meeting, soccer practice and school dance. This becomes central communication and is essential is planning for the week. It may not be realistic to make it to every event. Make it to as many as possible, this sends a clear message to kids of where they rank in their parents’ priorities.
Set firm priorities
These days, there is no guarantee that the work day will end when the five o’clock whistle blows. Many parents find themselves bringing work home with them. Allot a firmly set amount of time to make or receive work related calls, answer emails, or browse social networking sites. Take full advantage of technology and return correspondence when it fits your life. Time at home at night with the kids is not an extension of the work day. Most employers or clients have families themselves and will respect the boundaries placed around family time.
Weekend dads
Perhaps a greater challenge is for single parents who are not the primary custodian of their children. For them, two days and a night are all the chance they get to be with their children with a week or longer stretching in between precious visitation times. For them, time is at a premium. Limit distractions by tuning out the cell phone, logging off the computer, and informing professional and social acquaintances when you are having a family time out. Children are resilient and adapt well to situations, and they will feel their level of importance when they get dad’s full attention.
Make family time
Making memories with your kids does not have to be complicated. Creating special dad time can be as simple as waking up early on Saturday morning to catch a few favorite cartoons, everyone still in their pajamas and snuggled together on the living room floor. Or, a hearty round of dad’s favorite flapjacks every Sunday morning will stay with children longer than memories of an expensive amusement park excursion. Thursday evening walks with the family dog, watching a weekly installment of a favorite reality show, each of these things boils down to one very important thing: time together as a family on a continual basis.
Fathers find themselves the wearers of many hats. Nothing compares to the importance of fatherhood. In the real world, dads struggle against the necessity of making a living, the needs of family members, and many other roles that pull time away from family. Learn to rein in those demands. Set a reasonable schedule that maximizes family time. This strategy helps a father spend his time doing what he loves the most: being a dad to the small people he loves very much.
How You Can Teach Your Children to Be Smart With Money
Most children today study the basics of money in grammar school, but really do not know how to manage it unless a finance career is chosen in their future. Therefore, it is up to adults to teach children about money and finances before they reach adulthood.
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