I am about to become a step-father to two kids. They are age 3 and age 5. My wife's ex husband is not involved at all. I already love the kids and couldn't be more thrilled to raise them as my own. Even so, I know things will not alwasy be easy. Any advice?
Thanks guys. Yes, I do already love them and I cannot imagine my life without them now. Yes, I think it will help that they are younger. I can imagine that it might be more challenging if children are older to step into that role.
I came into my step-daughter's lives when they were 8 and 5, so pretty young. Their father was never around, so it was easy for them to accept me as their dad. By you saying that you know it won't be easy, you are already acknowledging that rasing kids is hard work (biological or not), but it's certainly rewarding. I think you'll do just fine.
You love the kids and you want to be their Dad, that's what matters. Not being their biological father will not matter after you have raised them with love, they will see you as their real Dad. There biological Dad not being around makes it easier and less confusing for the kids.
After raising my own children I have realized that it is all hell of job until they cross 20 and almost on their own. Raising the step children would be a lot difficult if you have your own in future. Thought about it? Anyway, good luck to you.
My "sperm donor" abandoned my mother and I when I was 2, so I have no memories of him whatsoever. That being said, he never paid CS either. So I have to agree with the above, loving them and being there for them is the first step. My mother met my stepfather when I was 7 or so, so I guess you could say he's been in my life for the last 21 years. From my perspective I wasn't sure how to handle him. I mean, here I am just my mother and I, and we're getting along just fine. She'd had a few boyfriends when I was younger, and only one that stands out. Partly because when they broke up he just vanished. Don't recall why, but I remember liking him. Because he reached out to me. Really, all you've gotta do is be there for them the way I see it.
To spare the cliché of "don't replace their father," I'll just say treat them as you would your own children. My stepfather and I initially bonded over my love of video games. Over the years we've had our differences, but I honestly can say that man is more of a dad to me than I ever expected. We don't always see eye to eye, but I've learned to respect him. He was always there with advice, when I needed a friend and nobody was there, and wasn't too afraid to be the parent.
But again, I have to agree with the above. You sound like you're on the right path. I'll leave delving into my own personal history for another time
You all have provided some great advice again. I think it is important that I just give them the time they need to adjust. I love them and want to be their father, but I also know that it will take time for them adjust to it not just being them in their mommy.
If the ex-husband isn't involved then I would advice you to be careful with what you are about to get yourself into. There will be conflict when the Biological Father decides to visit his kids. Just be cautious
I think, from reading your posts, that you will do fine. The most important thing is to let them have time to love you back! Kids are smart - at all ages - and will need time to evaluate you! Have a great time with your new life, DADDY!