Christmas present conundrum

yabadoo

New Member
I'm separated from my wife and I don't know how to go about giving gifts to our girl this Christmas. My ex-wife does not work. She's on food stamps. So she has just about no money to buy presents with. I, on the other hand, hold down a full-time job and can afford a lot of presents. I want to spoil my girl but my ex doesn't want me to do so because she can't match the spoils herself. How should I handle this?
 

olderthandirt

New Member
I think you should try for a middle ground. Spoiling her by overdoing the presents is going to make your ex mad, plus may feel a lot like you're buying your daughter's love at a time when she is even more vulnerable than you and your ex are.
 

polamalu43

New Member
Tough question. Can you buy some gifts for your wife to give her? Do you have a good relationship still? I guess I should ask how old your daughter is. Maybe you can celebrate together.
 

Bear

New Member
I think you should give your ex some money so that she can get your daughter some of the things she would like to have for Christmas. The most important thing is that your daughter has a good Christmas...not who gives her what.
 

BigPapa

New Member
I don't think that it is a good idea to make your ex look bad to your daughter, whether that is your intention or not. If you go overboard and she can't, then not only do you make her feel bad, she will feel she let your daughter down.
 

DeputyDad

New Member
I am stuck on the point where you say that your wife and daughter are living on food stamps and you have plenty of money for presents. If you have plenty of money, perhaps you should be giving them more so they can buy food.
 

yabadoo

New Member
Tough question. Can you buy some gifts for your wife to give her? Do you have a good relationship still? I guess I should ask how old your daughter is. Maybe you can celebrate together.
I'm not going to give my her hand outs and pretend that she really bought the presents. I'm not into lies like that. Whenever she complains about her position in life I just say "bootstraps". Our relationship is terrible at this point. My daughter is 13.
 

DeputyDad

New Member
I can see why your relationship is terrible. You have a child together and your greatest responsibility is raising her so she feels loved and provided for. Bootstraps? Really? You consider gifts for your child to be "handouts"?
 

yabadoo

New Member
I'm not going to give my her hand outs and pretend that she really bought the presents. I'm not into lies like that. Whenever she complains about her position in life I just say "bootstraps". Our relationship is terrible at this point. My daughter is 13.
I meant to say I'm not going to give my ex-wife hand outs (if it wasn't clear). I was referring to her, not my daughter. Anyways, my ex-wife just picked up a part time job for the holidays. She'll use the proceeds to buy presents.
 

Victor

New Member
Yes but the gifts or money for gifts is for your daughter, not your ex-wife. I really think you're being a bit spiteful due to the acrimony between you and your ex, and that can be hurtful to your daughter.
 

SingleDadNow

New Member
Giving your ex-wife "handouts" is also giving to your daughter. Her opinion of you is not going to be very good if she feels like they are struggling all of the time while you live in comfort. Maybe you can put some of the past aside if you really think that the person that you are hurting is your kid.
 
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