My 14-year old daughter collects all kinds of Manga comics. She likes them so much that she fills her room with pictures of manga characters, wears manga accessories, writes and sketches manga, and goes online just to read manga. My wife and I were okay with all these, until we found her notes containing manga swear words and pornography. My daughter has limited access to the net but she sometimes begs off to stay home, alone when the family needs to go out somewhere. We thought she would just be studying, but now, we couldn't be sure. So, how should we confront her without her feeling embarrassed and shutting us out completely?
Curtailing "Manga" Addiction
- Thread starter Lorenzo
- Start date
I would just ask what she is doing that she wants to stay home alone for; if she gives you a nervous answer, then you know trouble may be brewing. She is certainly old enough to be on her own and it's even okay to be "obsessed" with something; however, if you have proof that she's looking at the porn aspects of the genre, then you need to threaten to take away her privileges and/or come to some agreement where she only looks at the "approved" versions of Manga.
My daughter is in a highly-gifted class (the select few, so to speak) and her reasons for staying home are always school-related, that's why we could not say "no." We've met some of her classmates, and they're mostly normal, intelligent kids. But what really made my wife and I panic, was when we found notes and doodles of my daughter and her friend, talking (and showing sketches) of nude manga characters. There are even a lot of talks on sex there. Anyhow, I'm still thinking of ways to approach my daughter about this subject without her feeling humiliated.
She's 14 and personally (this is just me), there would have already been many, many talks about sex and birth control. At 14, I can assure you that many of the kids at her school (the same age) are having sex regularly, and some are even on birth control. I would use what you have seen in her drawings as a starting point for a conversation. Example, "Your drawings are really great, but do you have any questions about what the characters are doing in these pictures".
That is a great suggestion, Christian. I will be sure to try this ASAP. I am aware that I should have talked to my daughter about sex earlier, but since my wife and I come from conservative families whose parents NEVER gave us advice on sex, we both felt we should not tread on the topic. I know it is one of our responsibilities as parents to educate our children, especially with regards to sleeping with someone (at a young age). I guess, my wife and I just needed a push to do what we should have done early on. Thank you for the sincere advice, it's appreciated.She's 14 and personally (this is just me), there would have already been many, many talks about sex and birth control. At 14, I can assure you that many of the kids at her school (the same age) are having sex regularly, and some are even on birth control. I would use what you have seen in her drawings as a starting point for a conversation. Example, "Your drawings are really great, but do you have any questions about what the characters are doing in these pictures".
You are very welcome Lorenzo. My wife and I both came from very conservative families as well. We have been together since we were 14, and at that young age we were experimenting sexually with things we might have held off on with a little education. We were lucky in that we are still together, and there were no teen pregnancies. Having grown up this way though, and working with children and teens we have seen the very real importance of accurate information and honest conversations with parents, and not just hearing things through the "grapevine" at school.