How To Trust Again?

Hank

New Member
My wife are really trying to work out our problems, but she really messed our finances up badly. I'm not sure I can ever trust her again, and I certainly couldn't trust her with the finances. I make decent money but she has spent us into a bad, bad situation. I don't know if I can ever allow myself to trust her again.
 

Foster

New Member
The first you need to work out is why she did it. Was she being reckless with money she knew you didn't have or did she just think you had more than you did? Until you know the reason behind it you can't move forward. If it was simple carelessness then surely that can be forgiven and you learn to trust her again. That's where I'd start.
 

ghanashyam

New Member
What did she do? Spent too much using credit cards? Why late wife had that habit, she would use credit card as if, if no hard cash is spent now, it will be spent never. I, then, just cancelled the credit cards in her name. Managing finance does really need a man to think about future rather than present.
 

Jatelo2

New Member
You have to trust her. How will the two of you live a real love life without trust? That would be the height of hypocrisy. Just let her know how disappointed you are with her lack of prudence and then move on.
 

edvisual

New Member
My wife are really trying to work out our problems, but she really messed our finances up badly. I'm not sure I can ever trust her again, and I certainly couldn't trust her with the finances. I make decent money but she has spent us into a bad, bad situation. I don't know if I can ever allow myself to trust her again.
First of all you really need to talk about what happened and then don't just blame her for doing all the stuff that she did.. Talk this out and reach an agreement on who is going to do the finances from now on and put her in charge with another thing that you think she could do well.
This is not the end of the world, you can have faith in her for doing other things
 

JRDeep

New Member
When it comes to moving on from anything, you must remember that the past has already happened. No point in holding on to anger when doing so won't erase what's already happened. Learn from it, and live in this moment.
 

footballtim

New Member
My wife are really trying to work out our problems, but she really messed our finances up badly. I'm not sure I can ever trust her again, and I certainly couldn't trust her with the finances. I make decent money but she has spent us into a bad, bad situation. I don't know if I can ever allow myself to trust her again.
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My wife has done the same thing to us for nine years. It has almost ruined us. Over the years I kept giving in to her. Now that we are once again deep in debt and she is retired due to her disability, I sat her down and told her that if she ever spends a penny without asking me first, I would go get a second job at a grocery store and she would hardly ever see me. I hated having to give her an ultimatum, but nothing else worked. Her problem was not lack of love for us, it was lack of better judgement along with being used to having things when she wanted them. Sitting on her was not enough. I am glad I finally got her to listen.
 

BigDaddy

New Member
The question you need to ask is WHY she felt she needed to do this. Is it a way to gain attention, fill a void, because she is bored? Compulsive shopping is normal in people who are bored or feel unappreciated. They use the instant gratification of shopping in order to make themselves feel better.
 

Victor Leigh

New Member
I would say the first thing to do is to clip her wings, so to say.

Take back control of all the credit cards. It's your money and you should have the first say about how it's going to be spent. After that, sit down with her and work it out. Once she realizes that she cannot just spend the money as freely as she used to, she is likely to discus things sensibly with you.
 

tommymac

New Member
Trust is earned, not bestowed, so I would say that it isn't so much an issue of you learning to trust again, but your wife earning your trust back. I'd say start out slowly. Give her back a little more responsibility here and there and when she has shown you that she can handle it, you can give her more.
 

ProForums777

New Member
What are you talking about, you let her take you guys into the bad situation. As a couple you have to work together, if you let her take you to a bad situation is your fault as well. Trust, well, money should not be a matter of trust. Is a good learning experience for both, try to manage your expenses better next time, you can't put all the blame on her.
 

freedombiker

New Member
You have to trust her again because otherwise she will never ever solve this problem because you actually don't give her a chance to prove that she can do it.
 

Jatelo2

New Member
Trust is earned, not bestowed, so I would say that it isn't so much an issue of you learning to trust again, but your wife earning your trust back. I'd say start out slowly. Give her back a little more responsibility here and there and when she has shown you that she can handle it, you can give her more.
It is true that trust is earned but in some cases it has to be bestowed because it is impossible to be earned. In this case the wife has killed the trust and no matter what she will do, she can't just earn the trust. But as you said, a little responsibility here and there might just prove to be a good way to rate her!
 

youngone

New Member
Women love spending our hard-earned money. Does she have a shopping addiction? Trusting again will be very difficult if she is a compulsive shopper. What you could do is give her 'pocket money' each week, then you are in control of the spending.
 

Justadad

New Member
It sounds as though she may have a real problem that needs professional help. If you love her and you guys want any kind of future together, then you must go and see a relationship counselor who you both feel comfortable talking to. Then let her tell you exactly why she did it and how you can help her.
 

tommymac

New Member
It sounds as though she may have a real problem that needs professional help.
I'm going to echo this. It didn't cross my mind that there may be an addiction issue until a few other posters mentioned it. You would do well to at least investigate it.
 

CuriousJ

New Member
I know you might not want to hear this, especially when you're in a situation like this, but at the end of the day it's just money... pieces of paper.

If I was in your shoes, I'd be happy my wife overspent instead of cheating on me.

I recommend talking to her and trying to understand why exactly she decided to do this. Some people are compulsive shoppers and just cannot be trusted with a credit card, I'm not blaming anyone, but it's just the way some people are.
 
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