Learning on their own

[Kost]

For other fathers here, when your friend becomes a new parent do you let them learn a few things on their own or help them out before they ask? A friend of mine is a new parent and refuses any advice.

 

[WagnerB]

It would depend on how well I know him. I don't like the idea of giving advice to someone who doesn't think he needs it. I would just assume he would let me know if he needed help.

 

[Kost]

I guess that is what confuses me, I never pushed any advice away but I also never had to deal with an over bearing parent friend too. Maybe he is too new at this and everyone else is hounding him but he has yet to mention it to me.

 

[Shadow]

I usually won't give advice if nobody asks me to. But sometimes, this is really hard, especially if the other person has absolutely no idea what he's/she's doing. Then, I may offer some.

 

[James]

For other fathers here, when your friend becomes a new parent do you let them learn a few things on their own or help them out before they ask? A friend of mine is a new parent and refuses any advice.

If he refuses advice, I would stop offering it and wait until he starts asking for it. Some people insist on learning things the hard way, or at least learning them on their own. It may seem strange to you that he refuses your help, but from his point of view, he may be offended and think that YOU think he is incapable of doing this WITHOUT your help. He may be trying to prove himself, in other words. Just relax, and let him come to you when he's ready.

 

[joeldgreat]

I don't think they can raise their child alone without any advice from others. Just wait when the child had his/her first tooth. They would come screaming for help on how to deal with their child's fever and what would be the best next thing to do. Sooner or later, they would certainly ask for advice about how to raise a child. For me, the first advice for them is to make sure that all the "shots" for their child would be taken and that the monthly visit to the pediatrician would help their child very much. If they won't take your advice, then surely they would take the child's pediatrician advices.

 

[Bobby]

I think I'd just tell him that it can be tough being a parent especially for the first time, so if he needs any help or advice, you're there for him. After that it's up to him.

 

[Donald]

People who don't have children are always so sure they know what they would not do with their children and how to fix every problem other parents have. Let them have that day of rude awakening. Then they will ask. Rest assured.

 

[Andersson]

Over all the years of doing this I only give advice when I am asked it. Some people take offense to it and others would rather learn on their own. For me I just do not like stepping on anyone's toes.

 

[Lorenzo]

For other fathers here, when your friend becomes a new parent do you let them learn a few things on their own or help them out before they ask? A friend of mine is a new parent and refuses any advice.

If your friends refuses any tips on parenting, then it's best not to give unsolicited advice. However, if you catch him or her doing something not right with handling the baby or something, then I guess it's okay to intrude.

 

[JRDeep]

If one of my long time friends comes forward and seeks me out for some advice, I'll gladly give them a few tips. Otherwise, I try to respect his situation by not doubting his abilities. We all could use a little help at times. It's just that asking can be uncomfortable.

 

[Victor]

It could be your friend has other people in his life that constantly give unsolicited advice and he is frustrated. Just respect his wishes; he'll ask you if he needs something.

 

[Victor Leigh]

I would share my experiences as a father rather than tell him what to do. It helps if you talk about the mistakes you have made instead of crowing about all the things you have achieved in bringing up your own children.

 

[meowcow]

When it comes to other people's kids, I prefer to stay quiet until asked. I don't want to risk crossing any lines that their family or culture has unnecessarily. Maybe if the friend just seemed too shy to ask, then I would present an opportunity.

 

[Victor Leigh]

In general it would be better to adopt a hands-off attitude. However if he is doing something that is blatantly wrong and potentially dangerous, then you just have to step in. With diplomacy, of course.

 

[BigDaddy]

Ive learned to keep my advice to myself unless asked and even then Im cautious. Parents often dont want advice, they just want to vent.

 

[Foster]

I would let them learn on their own, your opinion of how things should be done aren't always the right ones. What you do may work for you but if you tell a friend the way they are doing things is wrong it may just cause offense and lose you a friend.

If a friend asked me for advice I would say 'Well this is what I/we do but you need to find something that works for you'.

 

[writer811]

If he's a close friend of mine, then yeah, I will probably give him a few pointers. Nothing major, just things like recommending a diaper brand because it's more absorbent and softer or showing him how hard you have to pat a baby's back to burp it. I wouldn't want to overstep my bounds and tell him how to raise his kid.

 

[Hedonologist]

I think friends would ask, and I'd have no problems giving them advice. Sometimes a person has to be the first in their social circle to have a child but even then they will usually have family to assist. I think everyone gets a little bit of assistance at some point along the way. Although clearly some parents need to learn somethings themselves and develop their own parenting methods along the way.

 

[Victor Leigh]

If it's not a close friend, I would let his friends who are closer to him to help him out. If it's a close friend, I would kind of lurk in the background, ready to help if he needs help. For my own children, I am in the thick of things.