Stepkids Who Don't Accept You

[KSmith]

I haven't had to deal with this, but a friend of mine is. What can you do when your wife's kids give you a hard time? They're close to their dad and don't like having a stepfather. He wants to win them over, but doesn't know where to begin. One is 10 and the other is 13. They're both boys.

 

[spencer]

Maybe it is a just a way of getting back at the mother depending on the reasons sorrounding the separation. Your friend could be a good person but the fact that their father is in touch with them means radical steps and measures have to be taken so that this does not develop into hate

 

[Ramblin' Ron]

"Don't take it personally" is the best thing I could tell anyone in this situation. Mom is the one who needs to lay down the rules for this situation. They will have to deal with step dad so they may as well get used to it but Mom needs to tell them they still need to respect him. He and his wife need to go over who does discipline and rules and who is to enforce them also.

 

[Zimmer]

I have not been in the situation, but I imagine going about it as a competition is wrong. You don't want to win them over just be there for them when they need you and don't put to much pressure on the relationship. Let it be natural, it's not something that will happen instantly or something that you want to rush.

 

[Papa Bear]

I agree with Zimmer. You don't need to compete with the father of the kids. You are not going to win. Just try your best to be their friend.

 

[Jessie]

I would also take the approach of being their "friend". I am lucky my step son and I get a long great. I get home from work and he is at the door waiting for me to play with him.

 

[KSmith]

I agree that mom needs to lay down the rules to the kids. She can't make them like or accept their stepdad, but she can tell them that they have to be respectful toward him, just as they do to any other adult.

My friend is doing everything he can without pushing the kids, but he really needs the support from their mom.

 

[SteppinIn]

Don't push too hard; you can't "take the father's place" and they want you to know that. Don't try to do so by doing things with them that they might feel is what only their father should be doing, rather, build a relationship built on "new" activities that you can do with them and make them feel that you can be close to them without taking their father's place.