What's so great about having kids, again?

HeelDaddy

New Member
Let me start things off by saying I know how sex works. I did it, I'm responsible, it's my problem (but not my choice)...I get it. I accidentally made a kid, and now my purpose is to raise her. All that I understand...but how exactly is this a blessing? From this angle, all I see is that I need to get better with birth control.

People always told me this was some miracle...looks an awful lot like an accident to me. Let's see, I'm now stuck with an unwanted responsibility for the next 17+ years, have to deal with the other party involved on some level for that long (and oh what a treat it is), am having my wages garnished for child and baby mama support, and haven't had 10 minutes to myself since I should have that one night. If this is a blessing, it's wearing a great disguise.

I never really wanted kids...didn't really stop me from getting one. That is what it is, but the fact that everyone tells me that I should be happy about it and thinks it's so great pisses me off. it's not that I hate kids, I have nieces, nephews, and baby cousins, and they're fine because I can send them back to their parents when they're done being cute. I just don't like being stuck with one of my own, and I don't think I ever will.

I do what I have to do anyway...I just want to know what's so great about it.
 

BigPapa

New Member
Wow, with that attitude maybe you should just walk away. It is best for your child if all you ever see them as is a burden that was thrust upon you. What child wants to or should shoulder that burden. It is not your child's fault that you accidentally got their mother pregnant. That child doesn't know how it got here but it will sure know that you don't want them.

Raising a child isn't "what you have to do", it is a miracle and one day when your child grows up and doesn't want to be around you because you resented them their whole life, you may just realize the blessing you lost.
 

HeelDaddy

New Member
Oh, a miracle, eh? Explain to me how something that happens on a regular basis in every single living species and has happened about 7 billion times with humans in the last hundred or so hears qualifies as a miracle? Reproduction is a biological function, nothing more, nothing less.

The science talk aside, you're saying that rather than stick around and raise the kid I made, I should join the 30ish% of Americans who run out on their children, exacerbating a national epidemic of deadbeat parenthood and making one more totally fatherless and undersupported child in the world, I should just leave because I didn't sign up for it. Okay, chief.

See, parenthood is a responsibility. It's a huge and intimidating one, and honestly not at all one I would have elected for, but it's one I have now. It is a burden thrust upon me, as nobody asked whether I wanted to do it or not, but here I am anyway. It's okay sometimes, but mainly it's a lot of work with low benefits. Thanks for being the first contestant to fail to answer my question, your lovely parting gift is a new perspective to consider.
 

writer811

New Member
He didn't answer your question because your question is stupid. Yeah, from a scientific standpoint, reproduction isn't a miracle. But you already know that. You just came here to try and convince us all that our kids aren't miracles. Well, to somebody who wants a kid, who struggles for a year or more to have one, yeah, children are a miracle. To someone like you, there probably are no miracles. You're not here for parenting advice. You're here to complain about your responsibilities and try to get someone to agree with you. Not going to happen. Do your kid a favor and stay out of her life. She deserves better.
 

Babar

New Member
Don't you realize that kids raised by parents who don't actually want them have a much higher chance of growing up to be screwed up? You're putting your daughter in a worse position than giving her up for adoption would be. At least then she would have a fighting chance at getting adopted by parents who actually want her.
 

Bear

New Member
I sincerely hope that your baby's mother is embracing her role as a new mother so at least the poor child will know that one of her parents loved and cherished her. No one ever said being a parent was an easy job it's certainly not. If you aren't able to see the rewards and benefits of fatherhood every time that little girl looks into your eyes no one here will be able to help you understand it either.
 

erin

New Member
Think of how your child's mother feels. Not only does she now have an unplanned child (whom I'm sure she loves) she is also stuck with some loser who resents her and her baby. She's probably just waiting for you to disappear.
 

Funky Dung

New Member
Just how many places did you post this question? How many more can we expect beyond this, Dadlabs, and Mothering?

(Google the title of the thread to find the links, folks.)
 

micromachne

New Member
Geez...the way your post comes off is really bad. Are you sure you're even cut out to be a parent?

But raising a child is great. It's a responsibility as much as it is a joy. Then the fact that you posted this very question all over the place doesn't help the overall sincerity of what you're asking.
 

JRDeep

New Member
...I have nieces, nephews, and baby cousins, and they're fine because I can send them back to their parents when they're done being cute.
:D

I used to have this mindset about having kids, but managed to avoid the unplanned birth of my offspring. It's all about the expectations. When there is an unplanned birth, I think this point of view is understandable. You were not prepared for this, financially or mentally. It's even more of a strain if the other person only has you close enough to extract X amount of money every month, as ordered by a judge.

I try to see things from different perspectives. I'd be lying if I said I completely understood where you are coming from though. I'm not in the same position.
 

Bear

New Member
Nice detective work Funky, and AJ Moses (aka Heel Daddy) I am glad to see you are more accepting of Fatherhood than that particular persona portrays. I know not everyone is really cut out to be a parent, or maybe doesn't think that they want to be. I know that I had a really bad father, and I strive to be the best dad I can be to my two little ones because of that. Some days they drive me crazy, but there isn't a second of it that I regret. As they get older the challenges are different, but having them run up to me each day and say I love you daddy is the best feeling in the world.
 

BigDaddy

New Member
Everyone is entitled to their feelings. We need to remember that. While I dont agree I can respect that you can admit this. I cant imagine starting completely over after I have raised my kids to school age. The thought of another baby in the house does make me cringe.
 

Niceness8000

New Member
Oh, a miracle, eh? Explain to me how something that happens on a regular basis in every single living species and has happened about 7 billion times with humans in the last hundred or so hears qualifies as a miracle? Reproduction is a biological function, nothing more, nothing less.

The science talk aside, you're saying that rather than stick around and raise the kid I made, I should join the 30ish% of Americans who run out on their children, exacerbating a national epidemic of deadbeat parenthood and making one more totally fatherless and undersupported child in the world, I should just leave because I didn't sign up for it. Okay, chief.

See, parenthood is a responsibility. It's a huge and intimidating one, and honestly not at all one I would have elected for, but it's one I have now. It is a burden thrust upon me, as nobody asked whether I wanted to do it or not, but here I am anyway. It's okay sometimes, but mainly it's a lot of work with low benefits. Thanks for being the first contestant to fail to answer my question, your lovely parting gift is a new perspective to consider.
You sound like you are young - maybe in your teens. You also sound like you believe you are an innocent victim - that's kind of disturbing.

Your attitude will come through to your child if this is how you really feel about her. You really are NOT doing her any favors by "sticking around" to assume your responsibilities as a parent. She will be able to pick up on your attitude, you can be assured of that. Your attitude will direct how you deal with her - you can be assured of that too.

Forget about explaining to you how this is a miracle; now that you have a daughter, what do you want for her? Don't you want to see her grow and experience some of the things you may have liked? Or do you really not care?

If you really consider your child a "burden" and if you really think being a parent is like a jail sentence, then the potential is great that your resentment will turn into abuse. Maybe you should make arrangements to provide the child support, and let her and her mother go live their lives without you. You will be doing nobody any good with the attitude you have now.
 

roncar

New Member
Someone on Dad Labs did a little research on this guy. Seems he wrote a book called "What to Expect When You're Expecting (the Worst)". Heeldaddy if just a ficticious character.
 

youngone

New Member
Everyone is different. Many Dad's find being a parent a life-enhancing experience while others will see it as a burden. I understand your sentiments but I think you should try to look at it from a positive perspective because you are a Dad whether you like it or not so you might as well try to enjoy it.
 

chea

New Member
At least you're honest, lol. I think some couples just really enjoy having kids around. And once you have had children in your life for so long you become used to it. And when your children are grown and move out of the house, it can become lonely. Also, women have a biological clock. So for some couples there may be a fleeting feeling that if they don't try for more children now, they may never be able to down the road.
 

freedombiker

New Member
Let me start things off by saying I know how sex works. I did it, I'm responsible, it's my problem (but not my choice)...I get it. I accidentally made a kid, and now my purpose is to raise her. All that I understand...but how exactly is this a blessing? From this angle, all I see is that I need to get better with birth control.

People always told me this was some miracle...looks an awful lot like an accident to me. Let's see, I'm now stuck with an unwanted responsibility for the next 17+ years, have to deal with the other party involved on some level for that long (and oh what a treat it is), am having my wages garnished for child and baby mama support, and haven't had 10 minutes to myself since I should have that one night. If this is a blessing, it's wearing a great disguise.

I never really wanted kids...didn't really stop me from getting one. That is what it is, but the fact that everyone tells me that I should be happy about it and thinks it's so great pisses me off. it's not that I hate kids, I have nieces, nephews, and baby cousins, and they're fine because I can send them back to their parents when they're done being cute. I just don't like being stuck with one of my own, and I don't think I ever will.

I do what I have to do anyway...I just want to know what's so great about it.
Hi,

I am sorry you feel that way for having a kid. I could not find how old you are. But I would ask you one thing. When I was reading your part of your story, I was thinking on a song of Kenny Chesney. There goes my live.
I have been there as well, and know how you feel. But after a time, you will see the good things in it .... Look for There Goes My Live. And you can read that in two different ways.
 

mollew3

New Member
Wow your attitude definitely sounds like your not prepared for children. These days planned pregnancies arent the norm so I can understand your words. At this point you made a choice so you have to live with the consequence. Make the best of your decision!
 
Top