Having five kids take up so much of my and my wife's time that we sometimes leave them at my mom's for a day or two. My mom initially was eager to help, but these last weeks, she only wanted two or three kids with her, and not all five of them. She said she couldn't keep up with our youngest, most of all. We could understand that, seeing how my mom is not getting any younger, but how could we explain it to our three-year-old when a visit to my mom's is the highlight of his week? And would he even understand why he couldn't stay, while his older siblings could?
When Grandma says "no"
- Thread starter Lorenzo
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I wouldn't let my kids feelings be an excuse for their misbehavior. Granted, he is a child but he is old enough to understand under what conditions he can go there. If he disobeys the rules and doesn't follow grandmas advices he won't be able to go there anymore until he learns to respect them. He is old enough to get that.
Lorenzo, correct me if I'm wrong, but this doesn't sound to me like he's misbehaving; more that he is a very active three year old and it's hard to keep pace with that. If that's the case, how about letting the other three or four go to grandma's house while he gets to stay home and spend quality time with mommy and daddy? Then, a day or two later, he gets to go to grandma's by himself and have quality time with her. Could she handle him if he's by himself?
I think I like Salazar's idea the best. Perhaps your 3 year-old could still visit grandma, but separately from the rest of the kids, so that grandma isn't overwhelmed. If your 3 year-old asks why he can't visit grandma with the rest of the kids, just tell him the truth. Tell him that grandma can't handle all 5 kids at the same time. If he's old enough to ask, he's old enough to hear the answer! 
Sinbian I have a just turned four year old and she still wouldn't understand that. The three year old is not misbehaving, but they don't tend to sit still for long. If your oldest is old enough to help out with him I would see if your mom could maybe handle the oldest and the youngest together. You can't completely leave the three year old out because his feelings will be hurt and he will think your mom doesn't like him. I know that is not really the case, but he is three...that is what he will think.
You're right, Salazar. My little boy is very active. My mom is always complaining that she couldn't keep up with him. Sometimes, she gets so frustrated that she yells at the kid.
Can she handle him on her own? Probably not. She lets the older kids babysit for their little brother when they are there. We actually only leave them at their grandma's when my wife and I needed to go somewhere important. But that's the thing, my toddler likes it at my mom's. It's a change of scenery for him, I guess as he's cooped up in the house all day long. He still can't understand why he needs to stay at home while the rest of the kids can visit grams.
My oldest is 15 and yes, she watches him when she's at grandma's. But, like any other teenager, there are times when she needs to be somewhere else (for a school project, etc.). Anyway, the last time all my five kids were at my mom's was a total disaster. My mom was screaming at my youngest because of the mess he made while playing. Ever since, she doesn't want to be left with my little boy and this is something we can't explain to my son.
It sounds to me like you may have to resort to only bringing him over there to visit when either you or your wife can be there to keep an eye on him. I know that's probably not the most convenient idea, but it won't last forever. Eventually, as he matures a little, your mom will probably be able to handle him.
My wife and I are counting the days to when my little boy gets to that age when he's not too dependent on other people anymore. My mom actually said we could ALWAYS leave my three-year old with her when he turns six. Yeah, right, mom.
Thanks for your input everyone!
Is this a weekly? What if you could find a middle ground where one week out of the month she only takes the youngest and no other children? That way her attention is on the youngest who has the most energy but they still have the "special time" they need together and she is not distracted with more kids?