When is spanking necessary?

[footballtim]

I was never a fan of spanking. During the 1 1/2 years I was a step father, I never spanked the children, and if they would have been my children, that scenario would not have changed.

There are of course some times when spanking is needed. One of those times for me was when I was in 6th grade and I called my teacher a bad word.

After getting suspended from school, my father spanked me with a belt. No complaints. I deserved it. That was the only time I ever got an official spanking at home.

However, my wife's extremely abusive mother would constantly hit her and her brother just because she felt that they got on her nerves.

 

[Armpit]

Spanking is only necessary if your child didn't learn from his/her mistakes. Just like... when my son kick my turtle, at first i only scold him... even after being scold, he put my turtle inside the refrigerator. Actually, i'm not spanking him anymore but i hit him three times. What he did was very cruel... turtoring smaller lifeforms like that. Sadly, my turtle passed away. I think spanking/hitting is the only conclusion after words can't get through them... just like my situation.

 

[chea]

I can only count one or two times that I was ever spanked as a child. I don't think that spanking is necessary at all. I always cringe when I see my friends spanking their children but of course I can't say anything because everyone's parenting style is different. But I don't think I'll ever spank my son. Grounding him is probably as far as I ill go in the way of punishment.

 

[footballtim]

Spanking is only necessary if your child didn't learn from his/her mistakes. Just like... when my son kick my turtle, at first i only scold him... even after being scold, he put my turtle inside the refrigerator. Actually, i'm not spanking him anymore but i hit him three times. What he did was very cruel... turtoring smaller lifeforms like that. Sadly, my turtle passed away. I think spanking/hitting is the only conclusion after words can't get through them... just like my situation.

I am glad that you disciplined your son for that. Boys who abuse animals end up just like Michael Vick.

Your discipline of that child may have put some sense into him. However, I think that if a child makes an innocent animal suffer for any reason, there is a scary problem there.

 

[footballtim]

Some parents, (like my wife's abusive mother), just want to hit. They will hit you simply because you bug them.

Good parents who spank will only spank if they really feel that it is needed.

One day, when my nephew was only about 3 1/2 years old, he told his mother, "You're an idiot."

Instead of slapping him, she did something that I thought was extremely effective. She sat him down for about five or ten minutes to tell him how very hurtful he was being to her. The conversation ended with my nephew in tears.

It is not enough just to spank. I feel that you need to tell your child why they were wrong to do what they did.

 

[tommymac]

Spanking is never necessary. If you have to resort to it, you've lost the battle.

 

[roncar]

I was spanked as a kid, as was my wife when she was young. Back then, just about everyone did it and it was almost expected when you did something wrong. I didn't hate my parents for doing it; most times I felt that I really deserved it.

These day, though, spanking should be used as a last resort, when time outs and talking to them fail. I have never spanked my step daughters, and I believe my wife has only given each of them a single swat on the behind for having a tone in their answers. But I've seen some kids (my nephew comes to mind) who definitely need a good spanking to keep them in line. He gets away with murder, and no amount of talking to him or the hundred time outs works at all. I know many here don't agree with me, but sometimes a spanking is the only thing that gets the message across.

 

[tommymac]

I know many here don't agree with me, but sometimes a spanking is the only thing that gets the message across.

And that message that you're getting across is "Obey me because I can hurt you" not "Do what I said because it is the right thing to do".

Studies have consistently shown that spanking does not work and does more harm than good.

 

[Bear]

My wife and I never wanted to spank our kids, but with our oldest that seems to be the only thing that gets a reaction from her to change the behavior. We have done timeout, we have taken all of her toys from her room, we have taken away all tv privileges, and the only thing that works is spanking. That breaks my heart and it was not how either of us wanted to discipline our kids, but her behavior was getting progressively worse so we had to do something to put a stop to it. Amazingly enough, she has only had one and I hope it is the only one ever. Now we can just say "Do you want a spanking?" and she straightens up quick.

 

[tommymac]

Now we can just say "Do you want a spanking?" and she straightens up quick.

Again, she is motivated to behave by the fear of violence rather than an understanding of the rules and how disobeying them is wrong.

 

[roncar]

And that message that you're getting across is "Obey me because I can hurt you" not "Do what I said because it is the right thing to do".

Studies have consistently shown that spanking does not work and does more harm than good.

I'd like you to spend a week with my 5-year-old nephew. I'd bet you'd be singing a different tune about spanking then. Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING along the lines of non-spanking diciplinary actions that my sister-in-law has taken makes this kid not misbehave almost every single minute of the day. I stand by my statement: When nothing else works...a spanking is what's is needed.

 

[Lorenzo]

I agree with roncar, when you've exerted all effort and nothing seems to work, spanking may be necessary. Sometimes, kids can be very stubborn and explaining to them is not just enough. However, for me, after I spank the kids, I explain to them how I had to do it even when I didn't want to. This usually works with my children.

 

[Victor]

It's not a case of spanking or nothing. There are many different types of discipline methods that can be tried: discussion, time out, natural/logical consequences, etc.

If spanking is TRULY necessary, then how do caregivers who aren't allowed to spank discipline those stubborn children? They find other ways.

 

[Bear]

Other caregivers exhaust all other possibilities and then they don't allow the child to come back anymore. My wife was the assistant director of a daycare for a few years, and there were countless children who were expelled because they could not or would not behave. Timeout and discussion don't always work for every child.

 

[stephen]

Timeout and discussion don't always work for every child.

I think the most important thing is consistency and this is where most parents fail. I don't think there's really any need for spanking past the 'don't walk in the street' stage at around 3.

Of course the threat is very good!

 

[tommymac]

I'd like you to spend a week with my 5-year-old nephew. I'd bet you'd be singing a different tune about spanking then.

Bring it on. My own five-year-old nephew is a handful to his parents, and they spank him, but he listens to me because I treat him like a human being.

Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING along the lines of non-spanking diciplinary actions that my sister-in-law has taken makes this kid not misbehave almost every single minute of the day.

Sounds like she has some fundamental parenting flaws to begin with. At this stage, she and your nephew have a definite need for some counseling and/or parenting classes. I would guess that the fundamental issue here is that your nephew misbehaves so much because your sister-in-law doesn't give him the proper attention.

I stand by my statement: When nothing else works...a spanking is what's is needed.

And I stand by mine. The difference between your statement and mine is that mine is actually backed up by research.

 

[themdno]

The only time I ever feel hitting a child is OK, is if they've endangered their lives, or their sibling's lives, and have an attitude about it. If they think it's OK, or funny, etc...

That's when something needs to break through to them, and they need to learn they aren't king of the world. Sometimes kids will do what they want, and be proud of it. That's when a good smack will break that thought process down.

I don't like the term 'spanking' either, as it is just a softer term for hitting and beating. A spanking is still a beating, you are still hitting your child. Calling it something softer doesn't alter the action.