Who gets the children during the divorce?

[Albert]

The legal aspects of a divorce usually take some time. What is best for the children during the divorce process, until the law decides who wins the custody? To be separated (one remains with the dad, the other with the mom), or to stay both of them with one parent?

 

[Mario]

This is a tough question. I guess that the kids stay on their grandparents while their parents are on the process of getting divorce. The kids will go to the parent whoever the court decides whose custody will the children go to.

 

[FatherYoung]

If the children are at an age when they can form their own opinions, they should be allowed to decide whom they want to stay with until the divorce process ends and the judge decides who gets the custody.

 

[Mack]

I think the way it usually works is that one parent moves out of the main household during the divorce and the kids stay in the house with the parent that stayed in the house.

 

[Dugger]

I don't think splitting up the kids is a good idea because then there'd end up being contention between both sides but I guess unless you're in that position it's really hard to know what to do.

 

[Ralphie]

Usually they stay with the mother, unless there is something questionable about what the mother is doing that would endanger the kids.

 

[JenVarsity]

The legal aspects of a divorce usually take some time. What is best for the children during the divorce process, until the law decides who wins the custody? To be separated (one remains with the dad, the other with the mom), or to stay both of them with one parent?

Be careful with this...the arrangement DURING a divorce can easily become the arrangement AFTER the divorce. I would suggest working a week on week off schedule if the children are old enough and keeping them together. A request can be sent to the courts for a temporary order, which again, can easily be the permanent order. So if you want 50% placement, get it right away.

 

[joeldgreat]

I think whoever is left in the house would have the custody of the children, too. And the kids should not also be separated with each other. It would mean a double jeopardy for the kids if both parents split their kids with each other. The kids already had their emotional problem when the parents got divorce. It would be twice if they are also separated with each other.

 

[psmith140]

Unfortunately the laws are biased against fathers and the children will most often be obliged to stay with their mothers. On the other hand you should definitely fight for your kids!

 

[HappyDad]

The OP asks a tough question. My wife and I are still together but I'm a child of divorce from when I was 7 years old. My father ended up with custody and I'm not sure how that happened. He's passed away so I can ask him and I certainly won't ask my mom.

 

[Timothy]

Whether it's right or wrong, I think in most cases, the children stay with the mother during the divorce proceedings. Of course, the mother often wins majority custody, too, so maybe JenVarsity is making a really point about making a "pre-divorce" custody arrangement.

 

[JCJ]

Whether it's right or wrong, I think in most cases, the children stay with the mother during the divorce proceedings. Of course, the mother often wins majority custody, too, so maybe JenVarsity is making a really point about making a "pre-divorce" custody arrangement.

This wasn't the case for me and I've noticed the trend moving toward a more balanced approach unless there's a justifiable reason to do otherwise. In my area joint custody is often the first route that the court system will go. As for "during the process," I didn't have a problem. My ex and I talked about it and agreed on a joint custody schedule well before the courts made it official. I'd be concerned letting my child(ren) stay with the other parent too much during that period because it makes it easier for the mother to "demonstrate" your lack of parenting and presence (whether or not you were really given a chance to be in the child's life during this time).

 

[AvalonX]

Unfortunately the laws are biased against fathers and the children will most often be obliged to stay with their mothers. On the other hand you should definitely fight for your kids!

This. It is virtually impossible for the Father to gain sole custody unless the Mother is like on drugs or something. Even woman that cheat keep the kids. Its just the way it goes. This is generally why the Father is the one to leave anyway.

 

[micromachne]

Personally, the parent that is more fit to raise the children as a whole (emotionally, financially, physically) should be the one that gets the children. But the way the law works, unless the mother is RIDICULOUSLY unfit, she'll get the children.

 

[chea]

I think it is best for the childrens lives to not be disturbed during a divorce. So whichever parent stays at the residence after the separation should keep the kids until the divorce proceedings are finished.

But it should be known that whoever does end up keeping the kids before the divorce is settled will usually end up with the kids after the divorce is settled. And, if the divorce happens while the child is still an infant, the mother will usually get custody because the mother has a paternal bond with the child from giving birth and nursing, etc.

Usually the male in the relationship can be really messed over in a divorce, so be careful. And if you feel that the relationship is heading south, you should privately speak with a lawyer so you can be prepared when the time comes.

 

[youngone]

I've never been married but I have split from the mother of my son. She used my son against me and stopped me from seeing him for no legitimate reason other than her own neuroticism. Eventually I won access rights in court because she had no case, she just cried. I see him at the weekend but I would like to have him 'full-time'.