How to explain this?
- Thread starter Jack
- Start date
Fortunately, my children don't have to go through that confusion because both my wife and I are close to our own families. However, I on the other hand, has a firsthand experience in this kind of situation. My mom's family are close, but not my dad's, and we kids couldn't understand why we could not spend time with my father's side of the family while we could do it with my mom's. We kids figured it out eventually ourselves - my father's relatives were not used to showing affection and they didn't socialize much so we understood why my dad didn't visit with them often, while my mom's relatives were quite the opposite.
I would put it in a sports analogy to hopefully help your kids to understand. Families are different just like teams are different. The difference doesn't mean one team is superior or less functional than the other, it just means they have a different way of obtaining the same results. Both your family and your wife's family love each other very much but have different ways of expressing mutual affection toward one another.
For example, me and my kids rarely sit down at the dinner table and eat together. Most families would frown on this, however, it's worked for me and my two kids. We get along GREAT! We never argue and the three of us are very close. My daughter is 16 and my son is 17; I've raised them as a single parent since they were 3 & 4 yrs of age.
There is no way to force love or camaraderie in a family, it has to come natural. When a family, especially involving kids, is forced into doing something, or it's contrived in any way, the kids will do it, because an adult said so, but the repercussions of that can be negative.
For example, me and my kids rarely sit down at the dinner table and eat together. Most families would frown on this, however, it's worked for me and my two kids. We get along GREAT! We never argue and the three of us are very close. My daughter is 16 and my son is 17; I've raised them as a single parent since they were 3 & 4 yrs of age.
There is no way to force love or camaraderie in a family, it has to come natural. When a family, especially involving kids, is forced into doing something, or it's contrived in any way, the kids will do it, because an adult said so, but the repercussions of that can be negative.
My wife and I are in the same situation. I'm very close with my family and we visit with one another on a weekly basis at the very least. My wife's family, however, is nowhere near as close and months can go by before they see one another. I don't know how we'll exactly what we'll say to our son when he starts asking questions about this, but I know we'll be honest about it and try to put it into terms he can understand.