I was going to post this in the divorce thread, but...

[GC856723]

See, the thing is we were never married. However, about a month ago we broke up. She became weary of bickering and didn't want our son to grow up in that environment, even though to me things felt like they were getting better. Apparently not, right?

Well, ever since things ended, she's just been such a bitter woman. I've only seen my son once, 6 days before his birthday, and for the last few days she's done nothing but ignore my texts asking how he's been doing. We're being civil, you see. Her actually managed to make my mother feel uncomfortable at his birthday party yesterday, but that's a different topic altogether...

Now I've finally received the packet that states they want nearly $300 a month in CS, which yeah I assume and have been told that that isn't so bad. The thing is, yeah I'm working full time at $10/hr at the moment, but once you calculate fuel expenses and other bills that must be paid, and then tossing into the mix that the rest of my check goes to mostly foodstuffs because my room mates and I don't technically share our food all the time, well... That leaves me in the red by nearly $100. I'm going to make the attempt to try and get this set up at a more reasonable (financially) amount, but I'm unsure how successful that will be...

The last thing I want to be is my father. $25/month child support that was paid once.

When I was 17.

Any advice? Things I should bring up during the hearing?

 

[youngone]

My advice would be to take her to court and win access rights to your son. I have been in the same position so I know how you feel, it is incredibly frustrating. The system is against men and there is not much you can do about it.

 

[Bear]

I would definitely take it to court because then she has to abide by the judge's ruling. If she wants money then you should get to see your son on a regular basis. Before you go to court document all of your bills. You want to be able to show the judge that "x" amount comes in, this is what goes out, and here is what is left.

 

[youngone]

I would definitely take it to court because then she has to abide by the judge's ruling. If she wants money then you should get to see your son on a regular basis. Before you go to court document all of your bills. You want to be able to show the judge that "x" amount comes in, this is what goes out, and here is what is left.

Unfortunately, there is no law which states you are granted access rights when you pay. You have to pay no matter what, you can pay 300 dollars per month and the mother can still stop you from seeing your child. You need to go to court if that is the case.

 

[Jatelo2]

Since you were never married, things won't be that difficult for you in the court. Most of the demands here aren't realist and thus increasing your chances of winning. Simply take the advice given by youngone. Sorry for your troubles anyway!

 

[tommymac]

Get a lawyer right away. Seriously, if you're reading this, turn off the computer and go get a lawyer. You need to go to court, get everything in writing and get a visitation schedule for your son set into a court order.

 

[meowcow]

Get a lawyer right away. Seriously, if you're reading this, turn off the computer and go get a lawyer. You need to go to court, get everything in writing and get a visitation schedule for your son set into a court order.

I do not know much about the law, but I know enough to trust professionals for it, so I agree with tommymac. However, if you cannot get a lawyer who can make a deal with you and it looks like it will become more of a financial burden, then just try to deal with your ex-partner. I would suggest to try to bring down the cost temporarily and just work out the deal on when it will increase so you have time to prepare yourself. Have it all in writing so you are protected. Hope this helps!

 

[erin]

Does she work? If she ends up on welfare then the state will want it's pound of flesh from you eventually-even if you can't pay now. I'd get a lawyer but make sure you have all your pay stubs, copies of bills, and food and gas receipts for a month won't hurt either.

 

[R. Paradon]

It is of extreme importance that you see a family attorney. And when you do go to court make sure that everything you do regarding child support or any other expenses is done per the exact instructions given.

I am saying this because one time I had given my wife an entire years child support and she gave me a hand written note accepting it as true payment. I even had the processed check. After she received the money she took my kids and disappeared for one year. While she was gone she had managed to go on welfare.

Upon her return she finally contacted me as if she had done nothing wrong. That was bad enough but then I received a subpoena from the District Attorney saying that I was not paying child support. I went to court and presented her letter and the canceled check and their response was since I did not pay her every month as per the court order I was in arrears. The court looked at the pre-payment as a gift! Since I did not give her the monthly money it was MY FAULT that she was forced to go on welfare and I had to pay back every cent that she fraudulently received.

BE CAREFUL AND GET AN ATTORNEY NOW!

 

[ghanashyam]

What a tragedy, a lawsuit related to separation even before marriage. Do people jump into without getting know how of the partner. We are in India far better, our marriages are arranged and thing like divorce is rare.
By the way, the child which is illegitimate in view of law, is it eligible for financial support?

 

[tommymac]

What a tragedy, a lawsuit related to separation even before marriage. Do people jump into without getting know how of the partner. We are in India far better, our marriages are arranged and thing like divorce is rare.

"Different" does not necessarily mean "better".

 

[Bryant]

What a tragedy, a lawsuit related to separation even before marriage. Do people jump into without getting know how of the partner. We are in India far better, our marriages are arranged and thing like divorce is rare.
By the way, the child which is illegitimate in view of law, is it eligible for financial support?

Yes, the child is eligible for support regardless of whether or not the parents were married. If India keeps growing like it has been then you can expect to see a big change in your marriage and divorce rates within the next 50 years or so.

 

[GC856723]

I would definitely take it to court because then she has to abide by the judge's ruling. If she wants money then you should get to see your son on a regular basis. Before you go to court document all of your bills. You want to be able to show the judge that "x" amount comes in, this is what goes out, and here is what is left.

Actually, this is a great idea. I need to do this for Child Support as it is, because the amount they're wanting I cannot afford. Unless I'm working two jobs. I mean, yeah, my kid comes first, but... I've gotta be able to stay afloat myself.

 

[GC856723]

Does she work? If she ends up on welfare then the state will want it's pound of flesh from you eventually-even if you can't pay now. I'd get a lawyer but make sure you have all your pay stubs, copies of bills, and food and gas receipts for a month won't hurt either.

Yeah, right now she's working, and back to full time. It's a temp job, but a lot of people there have been employed steadily for well over 5 years. So the chances of her being long term are very, very high. Hell, they took her back after 6 months maternity leave! I mean, overall we are on civil terms, for the most part all bitterness aside, and trying to make sure things go smoothly. I at least got to see him before his 1 year birthday, which was nice. Awkward to be sure because of how long it had been since I'd seen him due to a lot of outside activity, but nice.

Seriously, though, I'll take all the advice I get here to heart. Even if it seems to have taken me a week to circle back here to read the replies. Honestly, guys, thank you for the responses. While I've only quoted a couple, I have read them all.

As for custody, we discussed that before we even had our son. And with my current living arrangements, he's better off in her care. My roommates aren't exactly the most organized people, and with three dudes in a 2 bedroom, well let's just say living arrangements aren't exactly ideal right now. But, as soon as things smooth and mellow out, we'll get further into custody and shared time.

For now, I'm wanting to get the ball rolling with taming the beast that is child support. Hell, my own biological father only had to pay $24/month. Couldn't even do that! I don't intend on following in his footsteps, but... first things are first. Reach a deal, then start in with payments. I've got a class action I hopped on for a former employer that should hopefully lead to a check for back-due overtime, so fingers crossed for that!!!

Again, a sincere thanks for the responses.

 

[GC856723]

It is of extreme importance that you see a family attorney. And when you do go to court make sure that everything you do regarding child support or any other expenses is done per the exact instructions given.

I am saying this because one time I had given my wife an entire years child support and she gave me a hand written note accepting it as true payment. I even had the processed check. After she received the money she took my kids and disappeared for one year. While she was gone she had managed to go on welfare.

Upon her return she finally contacted me as if she had done nothing wrong. That was bad enough but then I received a subpoena from the District Attorney saying that I was not paying child support. I went to court and presented her letter and the canceled check and their response was since I did not pay her every month as per the court order I was in arrears. The court looked at the pre-payment as a gift! Since I did not give her the monthly money it was MY FAULT that she was forced to go on welfare and I had to pay back every cent that she fraudulently received.

BE CAREFUL AND GET AN ATTORNEY NOW!

Oh, gotta love the "unjustice" system. I would think that having something in writing stating that it was accepted as a years worth of payments should have worked in your benefit. Sorry to hear that. I know that, had my ex-wife and I had kids, I would probably be in a similar situation.