Intimacy issue

[ChefDad]

Hey there! I am curious of any other men have dealt wih this and how they overcame it. My wife and I have been married for 6 years now. We have very strong and loving relationships with our families. We also have a 3 yr old boy and a 4 month old girl.

It seems like ever since we started down the road to having kids my sex drive has essentially fallen off. When I see a pretty or nice bodied female I do get aroused or have the fantasies, however when it comes to my wife it seems like I would rather take matters into my own hands. Now we are not skinny people, I am 6'3" 295lbs and she is 5'11" 240, however she has gained weight and I am just not as attracted to her in that way.

It seems like I have lost all interest in "being" with her. The rest of our relationship is fine, it is just the intimacy part that isn't working... Please help!!!!!

Als I hope this is the right place to ask..

 

[edvisual]

I recommend going to a family psychologist and help the both of you resolve this problem together. Try to change something when you're having sex, I don't know.. try other positions, try fetishes, just try something.. Seriously

 

[youngone]

I'm not surprised your libido has dwindled if you weigh almost 200 pounds and your wife weighs 240 pounds. I'm sure you could improve your sex life if you both lost weight together. If you want to improve your sex life you both need to lose weight, it's that simple!

 

[ChefDad]

The weight part really hasn't been an issue as I was 245 at high school graduation and was a football player for most of my life. We have been counseled in the past about other issues, but will give it a shot. How do I bring up the sensitive issue of excersize and diet? I know that my diet consists mainly of salads with low fat dressing and the occasional steak. No sweets of any kind. I really do appreciate the help.

 

[freedombiker]

Hey there! I am curious of any other men have dealt wih this and how they overcame it. My wife and I have been married for 6 years now. We have very strong and loving relationships with our families. We also have a 3 yr old boy and a 4 month old girl.

It seems like ever since we started down the road to having kids my sex drive has essentially fallen off. When I see a pretty or nice bodied female I do get aroused or have the fantasies, however when it comes to my wife it seems like I would rather take matters into my own hands.

Now we are not skinny people, I am 6'3" 295lbs and she is 5'11" 240, however she has gained weight and I am just not as attracted to her in that way.

It seems like I have lost all interest in "being" with her. The rest of our relationship is fine, it is just the intimacy part that isn't working... Please help!!!!!

Als I hope this is the right place to ask..

Hi, I think this is first of all a good place to ask. And I think you already give yourself an answer on your question. You tell that you are 6'3" 295lbs and she is 5'11" 240, so it seems to bother you that she is getting thicker. What you can do is ask her to do something about it, like going together to the gym. Loose weight and get yourself to be more attractive, because what you think about her, is maybe exact the same problem that your wife will have with you. Loose weight, and get more interest in each other.

 

[Foster]

I've not read what other people have put and I'm sorry if this has been covered already, but, you need to talk to your wife. Explain the way you are feeling, it may not be you it may be the hormones she is giving off that is doing this. If your wife does not see herself as sexually attractive then it is very possible you have picked up on this and see her the same way. IT IS YOUR job to fix this! make her feel like she is wanted. With out being graphic I can't go in to this further but I hope you get the idea.

 

[joeldgreat]

One of the big reason why male losses their sex appetite towards their spouses is simply because our wife's attention is focused to raising the kids and taking care of the family. And because of these, they intend to neglect their own body, letting it aged faster, and maintaining its youthfulness seems a thing of the past. I often reminded my wife to make sure that she stays physically beautiful and at the same time doing the family thing.

I often tell her to take care of her wrinkle once I noticed it in her forehead. I often reminded her to loose weight if I see that her waistline is getting bigger or when I see that she never uses her jeans anymore because it wont fit on her. I also ask her to go to the parlor every now and then to have a facial or full body massage so that her skin would stay young and beautiful.

These way, I will never be tempted to look to other girls every time I'm with her. These simple things a husband must remind their wife to let the passion burning even if they are already on their older age.

 

[roncar]

This is a sensitive subject. You don't want to hurt your wifes feelings by coming out and saying she doesn't turn you on anymore. The best way to go about it is to say that you've decided that you want to start losing weight and get in shape so that you can be healthy and strong and have the energy to play with your kids and not get winded. You also want to look at the future and prevent health problems down the road. You could ask her for her support and if she could help you by doing it together, not only for yourselves but for your children.

 

[Jatelo2]

Both of you need to be honest with each other and workout a plan on how to shed some weight off. It might just be the best way to start!

 

[youngone]

The weight part really hasn't been an issue as I was 245 at high school graduation and was a football player for most of my life. We have been counseled in the past about other issues, but will give it a shot. How do I bring up the sensitive issue of excersize and diet? I know that my diet consists mainly of salads with low fat dressing and the occasional steak. No sweets of any kind. I really do appreciate the help.

Being overweight is an issue, the connection between obesity and libido is well-documented. Without wishing to sound blunt, I guarantee your sex drive would improve if you felt better about your appearance. Your wife needs to do the same.

 

[tommymac]

Losing weight will not only increase your libido by making you feel better about yourself, but, if you exercise on a regular basis, it will release testosterone which will increase your libido.

 

[Jatelo2]

Being overweight is an issue, the connection between obesity and libido is well-documented. Without wishing to sound blunt, I guarantee your sex drive would improve if you felt better about your appearance. Your wife needs to do the same.

I concur here that self-esteem is also of great significance. You can be slim but if you are not proud of yourself then love making won't be an easy task. I just agree with this input!

 

[tommymac]

It would also be a great thing for the two of you to work out together. Set some common weight loss goals, be a support system for each other. It'll breed that familiarity back into the relationship and will possibly re-ignite the flame.

 

[Bear]

You guys sure are hung up on the weight issue, when Chef Dad has clearly said, more than once that his weight has not changed. No one seems capable of admitting that a) sometimes that attraction does fade, and b) sometimes we do just see our wives as the mother of our children and not as our lovers. If it's something you want to change then you both have to work on it. I can guarantee you that telling your wife that you no longer find her attractive, and that she needs to lose weight will NOT fix your problems.

 

[youngone]

Absolutely, tommymac. Exercise like sprints/weight training and a healthy diet will increase your testosterone levels. Inactive, unhealthy and overweight men will have lower testosterone. The bad food and all the beer actually lowers testosterone. You know your testosterone levels are good when you have morning glory most days .

 

[mollew3]

I also think being overweight is an issue. If you are serious on fixing this problem, why dont you guys set up some kind of schedule to work out together. That seems like that would be the best plan. When my wife gained weight after the baby we both got into the gym together to tighten things up.