Do your parents interfere when it comes to raising your own family? Lately, my parents do, and if that is not bad enough, my wife's mother also makes her opinions known. Initially, the oldies were just concerned with how we are disciplining the kids. Advice from them, we can take, but then they start to question our capabilities as parents and reprimand us even when the kids are around. I don't know how to make them stop without coming out as disrespectful.
Meddling Parents
- Thread starter Lorenzo
- Start date
flfsurveyor
New Member
Been there, done that! Everybody wants to get in the act. But, at the end of the day, its YOUR kids! You will just have to tell your parents and in-laws that. If things do not turn out right, you get the blame, anyway. Not them. Of course, you could tell your parents directly but leave your in-laws to your wife. Cheers!
Victor Leigh
New Member
I wouldn't say that my parents interfere with the way I raise my children. I look at it more as their way of giving a helping hand. Like my father did when he was still alive. He used to take my son out. It's good for my son and it's good for my father.
JoshTheBoss
New Member
You must assert yourself. It is your family. It is your decision.Do your parents interfere when it comes to raising your own family? Lately, my parents do, and if that is not bad enough, my wife's mother also makes her opinions known. Initially, the oldies were just concerned with how we are disciplining the kids. Advice from them, we can take, but then they start to question our capabilities as parents and reprimand us even when the kids are around. I don't know how to make them stop without coming out as disrespectful.
They had their chance to instill their values on you and that chance has passed.
For the sake of not only your sanity, but for your KIDS, you must make it clear to them.
Also, if they are doing it around the kids, they are not smart. That is just undermining your authority, and then what? You REALLY lose control of the kids... They aren't making sense.
I agree with JoshTheBoss, you need to let them know whats up. Make sure you and the Wife are on the same page, however. I think they just feel that they can overstep their bounds now, and you need to let them know that they are not the deciders here.
Parents are used to getting things their way, so when they have to take a back seat, like when being a grandparent, it can be hard, I think.
Parents are used to getting things their way, so when they have to take a back seat, like when being a grandparent, it can be hard, I think.
I understand. On a vacation last year my mom got upset because my 5-year-old at the time "disrespected her" because he told her he didn't like her when he was upset. She didn't accept that he is still learning the power of words and how to phrase things. She felt we should have taken him back to the hotel from the boardwalk immediately instead of reprimanding him and explaining how it made her feel.
micromachne
New Member
Both mine and my wife's parents tried to interfere at times with how we raise our family. But we both put our foot down about that. It's ok for the to suggest and speak their mind. But if they think they can just overstep us on our own children, THEN we have a problem.
And this is something my wife and I both made clear to our parents.
And this is something my wife and I both made clear to our parents.
Niceness8000
New Member
We don't have that problem. My mother lives on the opposite side of the country. She doesn't have a first-hand view of how we raise our son. I'm sure she would have strong opinions, but she would not demand that we do it her way. My wife's parents are too afraid of me to say anything. They are the type who avoid confrontation at all costs. I never worry about them trying to teach me anything.
Listen and then tell them you appreciate their input but you have the final say so over disciplining your child. Whether you take the advice is up to you, but you, not them, will have the final decision on what you do with your kids. Don't forget though, not long ago you were their child and it's sometimes hard for parents to actually let things go completely. Until you have a talk with them though, expect them to give you advice.
I already talked to my mom about this issue. At first, she was really defensive. She told me she had the right to intervene because she knew better, and she had already raised three kids. I told her firmly that I wouldn't be able to affirm my authority as a Dad and as head of my family if she doesn't stop meddling with how my wife and I raise our children. She said she was sorry and that she'll try to leave us alone. She stopped talking to me soon after our talk.
Mr. Rogers
New Member
My inlaws were until they realized that I made educated decisions and didn't just decide things on a whim.
That's one of the best ways to have them leave you and your family alone, right? To show and prove to them that you are capable of handling the responsibilities of a parent. The problem is, you will always be a "little" boy in their eyes.My inlaws were until they realized that I made educated decisions and didn't just decide things on a whim.
Niceness8000
New Member
You mean she stopped speaking to you all together? That's not doing any good for anybody. She's imposing a cease on visitations of her grandchild by doing that. I would hope that the child trumps the pride, if that's what's going on . . .