My friend found out recently that his wife, who's a reporter, is having an extra-marital affair with one of her sources. He was able to read the "couples" text messages to each other when the wife accidentally left her phone at home. He still has to confront his wife about this but he's almost a hundred percent sold out on divorce. His only concern is his daughter because she is very close to both him and her mom.
On lying and infidelity
- Thread starter Lorenzo
- Start date
Wow. That's really a shame. I hate to hear about marriages being ruined on account of infidelity. I feel like you shouldn't marry someone if you're not willing to spend the rest of your life being faithful and monogamous with them. Often times that means saying no to people you would have otherwise said yes to if you weren't married, and I don't think everyone understands that when they get married, especially if they marry young.
I'm sorry for your friend. I hope he and his daughter are able to get past this.
I'm sorry for your friend. I hope he and his daughter are able to get past this.
I am sorry to hear about your friend, but what was he doing looking at his wife's text messages anyway? Did he already suspect her of something and that was why he invaded the privacy of her phone? I do feel bad for him, but I also kind of feel like he went looking for trouble and found it.
It was actually my friend's wife who asked him to check if she really left her phone in the house. The cellphone's battery was dead and when he charged the battery and turned on the phone, there were a couple of incoming messages and missed calls. That's why he was able to read the other man's messages. I guess nothing ever remains a secret, especially something as bad as this.I am sorry to hear about your friend, but what was he doing looking at his wife's text messages anyway? Did he already suspect her of something and that was why he invaded the privacy of her phone? I do feel bad for him, but I also kind of feel like he went looking for trouble and found it.
Well, that either makes her a moron or she wanted to get caught because she didn't have the guts to tell him herself. You are right though Lorenzo...the truth always comes out in the end. At least this way he knows sooner rather than later and can make a decision about what he wants to do.
joeldgreat
New Member
Another family broken due to the very old mortal sin "infidelity". As divorce is already common to most country, then better yet get one. Its very hard living in a family when you know that there is no more love between a husband and wife. For the child custody, I think its up the the court to decide what is the best for the child.
makingloot
New Member
Wow. That's really a shame. I hate to hear about marriages being ruined on account of infidelity. I feel like you shouldn't marry someone if you're not willing to spend the rest of your life being faithful and monogamous with them. Often times that means saying no to people you would have otherwise said yes to if you weren't married, and I don't think everyone understands that when they get married, especially if they marry young. A marriage is an exclusive relationship. Once it's no longer exclusive, I guess it isn't a marriage anymore. They either need to make it one again or legally end it.
R. Paradon
New Member
I was not aware that infidelity was a mortal sin. But it is not a good thing for a marriage and I would not stay in one with a person who was cheating. You either commit you self or you don't. And if it is a don't situation then the marriage is over.Another family broken due to the very old mortal sin "infidelity".
micromachne
New Member
When I read things like this it just takes a shot at the heart. Even though it's not me, I always seem to feel this feeling of deep sadness over these stories.
But at least he's thinking about the daughter. But honestly, he should go through with the divorce. "Staying together for the children" is BS. They daughter WILL see the resentment that the father will have for the mother because it's an emotion you can't hide. And it will play on the child's psyche.
So yeah, even though it may sound cruel initially, the divorce is best.
But at least he's thinking about the daughter. But honestly, he should go through with the divorce. "Staying together for the children" is BS. They daughter WILL see the resentment that the father will have for the mother because it's an emotion you can't hide. And it will play on the child's psyche.
So yeah, even though it may sound cruel initially, the divorce is best.
So he has not confronted his wife about her infidelity? It's tough for a man to file for a divorce where his children are concerned because 8 times out of 10 he's not going to get custody. I've been in his situation before, wanted to file for divorce but I was too scared to pull the trigger. I thought that I would lose my kids if I filed for a divorce.
She finally filed. When she did, I hired a good attorney; I was pro-active in my own defense; I took 3-4 parenting classes and brought the certificates to court with me. I never made a negative statement about her in court, my focus was 100% on my kids (to attempt to prove the mother unfit in court is a MAJOR mistake when pursuing custody).
My attorney and a few that I interviewed before I settled on Mark Hines (out of Atlanta) all told me to go out and get my own place but do not leave home because that would be considered abandonment. But when you go to court, you have your own address which means you have a place for your kids to live. The courts look at the marital residence as belonging to the mother.
I have a son and a daughter, it may be more difficult for your friend to gain custody of his daughter. If he believes he can get joint custody, or he's OK with the mother having custody, especially if he has unlimited visitation, he should file for divorce. Some people would say, go to counseling, try to work it out. If he knows that she is cheating, anytime she leaves the house without him, he won't trust her to tell him the truth about her whereabouts. It's very difficult to overcome a cheating spouse. He could start cheating himself but that never solves anything and just makes the situation worse.
Tough call, but I'd seriously consider my options and how I could spend the most time with my daughter.
Good luck to your friend, let us know how it turns out.
She finally filed. When she did, I hired a good attorney; I was pro-active in my own defense; I took 3-4 parenting classes and brought the certificates to court with me. I never made a negative statement about her in court, my focus was 100% on my kids (to attempt to prove the mother unfit in court is a MAJOR mistake when pursuing custody).
My attorney and a few that I interviewed before I settled on Mark Hines (out of Atlanta) all told me to go out and get my own place but do not leave home because that would be considered abandonment. But when you go to court, you have your own address which means you have a place for your kids to live. The courts look at the marital residence as belonging to the mother.
I have a son and a daughter, it may be more difficult for your friend to gain custody of his daughter. If he believes he can get joint custody, or he's OK with the mother having custody, especially if he has unlimited visitation, he should file for divorce. Some people would say, go to counseling, try to work it out. If he knows that she is cheating, anytime she leaves the house without him, he won't trust her to tell him the truth about her whereabouts. It's very difficult to overcome a cheating spouse. He could start cheating himself but that never solves anything and just makes the situation worse.
Tough call, but I'd seriously consider my options and how I could spend the most time with my daughter.
Good luck to your friend, let us know how it turns out.
micromachne
New Member
The courts look at the marital residence as belonging to the mother.
This part of your statement is very unsettling. So does that mean if the mother pays nothing and the father pays everything, that the father still is the one put out even though he's the one taking care of the bills, payments, deeds in his name,etc?
That right there can make people wonder if marriage is a mistake should something go wrong.
micromachne
New Member
I find this very disappointing more so if you trust your partner so much. The best option though is to talk and not rush for divorce.
You have to put yourself in the cheated on's position. If this were you, would you be willing to talk to your wife or girlfriend about making it work?