My mother raised me completely without religion, even though she is a Christian. When I was old enough she explained why; she wanted me to make my own choices in the matter. I'm glad she did, I feel like the person I am today is completely my own. Whatever spiritual beliefs I have, I arrived at them by myself. Now that I am older, I think I'll raise my kids the same way. When they get old enough, they can read the various religious books (The Bible, The Quran, any others) and decide for themselves which one they believe in. Do any of you raise your children this way? How much value do you place on them making their own choices?
Raising Kids So They Make Their Own Choices
- Thread starter writer811
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micromachne
New Member
You're lucky, most parents loved to "force" beliefs down their children's throats. Your mother probably took a lot of heat with not raising you to be of a certain religion. Especially if your grandparents were of strong faith.
polamalu43
New Member
No, I think my kids have a right to choose when they are older but they do go to church with us now. They have also all been baptized but still make a choice as an adult to change their religion or choose no religion.
I unknowingly adopted the philosophy of my father. He basically issued a "while in my house, do as I say" doctrine. So as a kid, his views on religion were my views as well. I had to go to church whenever he felt like it was needed, I was expected to act and interact a certain way around because of that.
My kids moan and groan about having to get dressed up for church, like I did when I was their ages. I'm sure they'd like for me to exclude them so they can choose their own paths. Thing is, I kinda view it as a bonding opportunity. Faith is something we can share. They can do whatever they want when they move out. For now, It's my way or the highway.
My kids moan and groan about having to get dressed up for church, like I did when I was their ages. I'm sure they'd like for me to exclude them so they can choose their own paths. Thing is, I kinda view it as a bonding opportunity. Faith is something we can share. They can do whatever they want when they move out. For now, It's my way or the highway.
Victor Leigh
New Member
My parents brought me up without any strict religious training. So I found my own way in life and I am doing fine. That's why I am also letting my own children to find their own way in life. So far they are all doing fine.
micromachne
New Member
First and foremost, we have to remember that they are indeed children. You're the parent, they aren't supposed to make all their own choices just yet. So it's fine to let them decide for themselves in SOME instances. But you have to know when it's fine to do and when you have to invoke your parental rights.
You're right, sometimes we need to take charge because they don't know any better. They can't make their own decisions on whether or not to take candy from strangers, or accept rides from them or whether or not to do their homework. But religion and philosophy is different. It's not going to hurt them if they don't practice a religion, it won't hurt their chances in life if they grow up belieiving one thing or another. Basically, children aren't going to choose what to believe in because they're children, they don't care. They have more important concerns, like learning to tie their shoes or telling mommy about that one friend who always gives them gum or scheming ways to get out of dinner. Philiosophy isn't something they should worry about until their old enough to understand it. But, if you raise them in one religion or philosophy their entire lives, they won't make their own choices because you've raised them into an environment they're comfortable with. Why look at anything else when they're comfortable where they are? You see what I'm saying?First and foremost, we have to remember that they are indeed children. You're the parent, they aren't supposed to make all their own choices just yet. So it's fine to let them decide for themselves in SOME instances. But you have to know when it's fine to do and when you have to invoke your parental rights.
flfsurveyor
New Member
My children were brought up in the Christian faith and Catholic religion. They joined us in Sunday m***es and observed the Catholic religious practices. We could not just leave them at home while my wife and I went to church! When they were entering university, they were free to choose.
In college, my second daughter decided to become a Born Again Christian. My eldest son married a Unitarian and converted. Their choices and we are fine with it.
In college, my second daughter decided to become a Born Again Christian. My eldest son married a Unitarian and converted. Their choices and we are fine with it.
Writer811 my wife and I have been talking about this a lot lately and we are trying to take the path that you have chosen for your kids. We are both Christian, but how can you explain any of that to a child? Especially, to a very intelligent three year old who questions absolutely everything!
I was raised in the same manner. I was left to struggle a bit before they swooped in to save the day and I was given room to do things for myself and call my own shots within reason(or at least they led me to believe I did, looking back my choices were often bad or worse. Bad was what we were doing anyway whether I liked it or not). Im a very street wise and independent individual because of it. I raise my children the same way. While I do have a hard time sitting back and letting my kids struggle with tasks I know it is good for them to experience struggle so they can appreciate the victory no matter how big or small.My mother raised me completely without religion, even though she is a Christian. When I was old enough she explained why; she wanted me to make my own choices in the matter. I'm glad she did, I feel like the person I am today is completely my own. Whatever spiritual beliefs I have, I arrived at them by myself. Now that I am older, I think I'll raise my kids the same way. When they get old enough, they can read the various religious books (The Bible, The Quran, any others) and decide for themselves which one they believe in. Do any of you raise your children this way? How much value do you place on them making their own choices?
You have the right idea. There are some things in life that you have to experience for yourself and this is one of them. Having someone else choose it for you isn't going to give you the full effect, the full meaning of it. You won't understand it if you don't choose it for yourself. It will just become routine, a chore.
My wife and I discuss this on a regular basis. Our children are only young but we want to raise them the same way you were. Neither of us are religious but have no intention of forcing or even encouraging them to stay away from religion. When they are old enough to decide for themselves or even inquire about religion we will make sure all the information is available to them to make an educated decision to follow a religion or to not.
While I'm tolerant of other people's religions and respect any group whose beliefs have them doing what is good for society, the very fact that I am Christian makes it my responsibility to raise my children in the ways of my faith. There are many hypocrisies in the church, of course, and people who have taken self-righteousness to extreme levels. Still, my children will grow up with the teachings of Jesus Christ and know what it is to live in a home where God is central.
I respect that but don't you worry about how they'll take it? Think about it from their perspective, if you're teaching them about it and making them go to church and participate in religious activities, won't they see that as a chore? It becomes something they have to do, like washing dishes or minding their manners. They're not actually interested in doing it, they do it because they have to. Won't it be much more genuine and spiritual if they choose to be Christians themselves? Then it's not something they have to do, it's something they want to do.While I'm tolerant of other people's religions and respect any group whose beliefs have them doing what is good for society, the very fact that I am Christian makes it my responsibility to raise my children in the ways of my faith. There are many hypocrisies in the church, of course, and people who have taken self-righteousness to extreme levels. Still, my children will grow up with the teachings of Jesus Christ and know what it is to live in a home where God is central.
From where I'm from, children automatically adapt to their parents' religious beliefs. We live in a community that is predominantly Catholic, so my kids are used to going to church every Sunday and reading the Bible. They don't know any other way. However, if they choose another path when they're mature enough to think for themselves, my wife and I could respect that. For now, we will guide and encourage them to follow the beliefs my wife and I were raised on.
Niceness8000
New Member
They are going to make their own choices whether you influence them or not. We take our son to church on Sunday every week. The misconception about church seems to be that it takes away your ability to think freely, and even enjoy life. I think that's why so many people are put off by church. We believe it teaches our son about God, and how he can be the best person he can be.
Raising you children this way might appear noble if for non-christians. However for the Christians, the children are supposed to be taught and be guided on matters of faith. The scripture puts it this way:My mother raised me completely without religion, even though she is a Christian. When I was old enough she explained why; she wanted me to make my own choices in the matter. I'm glad she did, I feel like the person I am today is completely my own. Whatever spiritual beliefs I have, I arrived at them by myself. Now that I am older, I think I'll raise my kids the same way. When they get old enough, they can read the various religious books (The Bible, The Quran, any others) and decide for themselves which one they believe in. Do any of you raise your children this way? How much value do you place on them making their own choices?
Train A child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it when he is old'. Teach them about faith please.
Raising my son to be independent and think for himself is one of my parenting principles. I was fortunate enough to have parents who encouraged me to think for myself and make my own decisions and it has served me well in adulthood. I don't agree with brainwashing your children, let them come to their own conclusions.
Hedonologist
New Member
Indeed. I think that too much 'free thinking' and independence is why so many kids are wild these days. Critical thinking is OK. Whilst I want them to be able to reason and think. some things just absolutely won't be tolerated. In all honesty I'm more concerned with my children adopting my principles than coming to bad conclusions themselves.i think it is extremely important to raise children in a way that they are free to make their own decisions. That being said, it is not unfair to expose or introduce them to some of your beliefs, without being too forceful of course.
I want to raise my children, not society or MTV. I've seen some good people raise horrendously feral offspring into the world because they didn't instill principles and values into them when they had the chance, many of them are lost causes now.