Telling a 3 year old why Mommy left

[uhoh]

I'm getting a divorce, which is fine for me, but my son is another story. He's almost 4 (August 1) and he doesn't understand what's going on. All he knows is that Mommy isn't here anymore. My ex hasn't called or visited him for almost a month. How do I explain this situation to him?

 

[Sinbian]

This is an awkward situation for sure. I'm not sure what would be the best choice of words but basic truth explained on his level is the best.

 

[Enrique]

That's a tough situation you're in. I think it's better if both you and your soon to be ex-wife talk to your son about the situation. It's difficult enough to hear these questions coming from your son, you definitely need all the help you can get in answering them, and who's the best person to do that but your ex. If she's not around, find her.

 

[uhoh]

That's a tough situation you're in. I think it's better if both you and your soon to be ex-wife talk to your son about the situation. It's difficult enough to hear these questions coming from your son, you definitely need all the help you can get in answering them, and who's the best person to do that but your ex. If she's not around, find her.

I agree that it would be better if she talked to him but all I get from her is promises that she then breaks. She won't discuss it with me at all. Her sister told me that she never wanted kids and was feeling trapped, but my ex won't admit to that.

 

[Bear]

Well, whatever you decide to do don't ever tell your son that Mommy is coming to visit at a certain time or day so that he won't be heartbroken if she doesn't show. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. I can't even imagine how heartbreaking it would be to hear your child ask that.

 

[Betterman]

I was your son's age when my parents were divorced and my Father did the same to me. There really isn't anything you can say that will help with the pain. Being there for your son, which if you are even asking these questions, is what will help in the long run.

 

[BigPapa]

I think that the most important thing that you can do is make sure that your son knows that none of this is his fault. Even if your ex never sees him again, he still needs to know that he is loved by those around him.

 

[meowcow]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds really tough. Well, I guess it's really hard to explain and it probably won't sink in or he wouldn't really understand it fully until later in life. So, maybe it's just best to make the transition smoother, rather than forcing yourselves to explain fully or forcing him to understand. By this, I mean probably an explanation from his mother, and constant answering of questions. The best thing you can do right now is to just be open to questions and to get ready for a long time of explaining. I'm sure he will be confused a lot more times in life about this beyond this initial stage. Just make sure that he knows you are open for discussion no matter how old he gets, and that he knows you will be explaining it as best you can along the way. Hope this helps and good luck!

 

[Victor Leigh]

This is very easy. No kidding.

Tell him a good story about his mother having gone for a long holiday. Tell him about a relative that she has to visit. Or tell him about a project that she has to do. Make it a good story. Fill it with all kinds of details.

One thing you should never do is to tell him anything bad about her. Remember that she is still his mother even though she is not your wife. Whatever happens between the two of you should remain your personal business.

 

[writer811]

Sorry for your troubles. I don't understand why your ex won't visit or call her own child, though. Sorry for saying so but she seems like a bad mother.