What to do if you feel the mother's punishment is too harsh?

[writer811]

What do you do when you feel that a punishment given to your child by his mother is too harsh for what he actually did? Would you let him out of it and risk undermining his mother's authority over him or would you go along with it? For me, I would try and convince her to lighten the sentence (Being five minutes late does not warrant being grounded for a month) or if it's a really severe punishment, actually tell her off (For example, she beats him with a belt for not cleaning his plate). What would you do?

 

[Foster]

I'd have to say if my wife beat either of our children for anything she'd be out of the door before she could ask why. As for me not agreeing with a punishment I would never undermine her, I would speak to her out of the way of the children and ask her if she thought the punishment was too harsh. If she didn't I would give her my opinion and hope she changes her mind.

 

[Babar]

How to discipline should be a mutual agreement among both parents. If your wife is consistently being too hard on your child, it's time to have a talk with her. If she won't budge, the child might respect your authority over hers, so speak over her.

 

[Bear]

I wouldn't undermine my wife because that makes the kids disrespect her. If I thought that something was too harsh I would talk to her about it privately, and come up with a plan of action for next time.

 

[micromachne]

The lady of the house and I aren't at that point yet. But I'd like to think if we disagree with a punishment for the child that we can talk about it and come to a midpoint.

 

[Dan]

This is a tough one for our house. My wife has no problem overruling me if she thinks I punish them too harshly but when it's her I can't. We usually argue about it after the kids are asleep.

 

[Andersson]

This is something you really need to sit down to talk about before an issue crops up, otherwise it leads to madness in the house. I know my sister had this issue before her and the husband sat down (they had two different takes on what proper discipline was), things like that tend to confuse kids.

 

[micromachne]

This is a tough one for our house. My wife has no problem overruling me if she thinks I punish them too harshly but when it's her I can't. We usually argue about it after the kids are asleep.

You and the wife need to come to some sort of understanding then. Because that sounds one sided.

 

[writer811]

Yeah, Dan, that's not really fair at all to you. I hope you get that worked out. Everybody else, I figured as much as talking about it privately but if she refuses to budge, she's not being flexible or equal in the relationship and she's not being fair to the kids and if I have to undermine her to make things fairer for the kids, it's her own fault for refusing to talk about it.

 

[Lorenzo]

I would find out first why my wife is acting harshly toward my child. Maybe she had a rough day and vented her frustration on our child. I would talk to her privately, of course and remind her that whatever she's feeling that moment, should not be taken upon our child.

 

[Hedonologist]

This is something you really need to sit down to talk about before an issue crops up, otherwise it leads to madness in the house. I know my sister had this issue before her and the husband sat down (they had two different takes on what proper discipline was), things like that tend to confuse kids.

Indeed it really needs to be discussed before any issues crop up, so these conflicts can be avoided. Before a child reaches a certain age it should be discussed what is age appropriate. Unfortunately these conversations often don't happen before it's too late.

 

[flfsurveyor]

My wife and I had an understanding on the degree of discipline get dished out for what misbehavior. Although, at times we both could go beyond, but we never undermined each other. I will try to convince the wife to let the kid go, of course, without the kid knowing it. It would still be her decision to do so or not and she will let the kid out of it, not me. She did the same with me.

 

[JRDeep]

We try set ground rules in the house when punishing our kids. We both talk it over, and decide a proper, agreeable punishment. That way, we can avoid the possibility of under-minding one another if there's a disagreement.

 

[joeldgreat]

My wife knows that I'm the disciplinarian in the house, but never laid my hands on my kids. My wife sometimes argue that my disciplinary actions are too easy for them and that I should take out my belt once in a while. Though I was tempted by it sometimes, I still stick to my first rule not to punish using brute force. As I'm sure they will take it to their adulthood.

 

[youngone]

I'm not sure what i could do because I don't live with his mother. I could only go by what he tells me and if I deemed the punishment to be too harsh I would have a quiet word with her when he is not around and tell her to reconsider her punishment methods.

 

[Hank]

Well, we try to back each other at the time. If I or she think the punishment is too harsh or too lenient, we will discuss it in private and then amend it if at all possible. We have trouble with each other but we pretty much agree about things with the kids.

 

[Jatelo2]

I would never undermine the authority of the wife as far as the upbringing of our children is concerned. I would however persuade her privately to avoid meting the punishment in anger. It should be all about discipline not anger and frustrations!

 

[roncar]

I find myself in the opposite situation. My wife is too soft with our girls. I'm their step-dad, and usually step-dads don't like to dole out the discipline, which is understandable. But I think my wife feelt that since the girls went through a messy divorce, she was afraid to come down hard on punishments when they were growing up. I really don't say much because they really are good girls for the most part. But, like when their room was a mess, my wife would let it go. Me? I was the meanie telling them they couldn't play with their toys or friends until their room was clean. They never fought me on it, so I guess I wasn't that mean.

 

[Victor]

Kids pick up on it quickly when the parents are on different pages, and try to divide and conquer. We present a united front in their presence and discuss discipline disagreements in private.

 

[meowcow]

This is very tough. I always say that a happy wife equals a happy life. In this case though, you have to remember that your opinion matters just as much as hers. I wouldn't recommend undermining her authority like you have stated because whatever happens your son has to see both of you as a unit more than individuals. I would suggest pursuing getting your voice heard and I'm sure there is a compromise there somewhere. You just have to find a good open communication and a little tactic. Good luck, I hope this helps!