Wife smoking

[josephconrad]

I do not have this problem I don't think, but I have heard a fair share of stories where one of the spouses start smoking and then this becomes a problem in the relationship because they start hiding it, or doing it around the kids.

Has this ever been an issue in your marriage, and if so how did you deal with it? Thanks.

 

[AvalonX]

Not for me but my sister in law smoke and its a big issue in the house. The kids know about it even when she wants to sneak around. She drinks too and their marriage in on the rocks so yeah...

 

[micromachne]

Luckily, my wife is as clean as I am. Neither of us smoke or drink. But I'd like to think that if by chance my wife did either, I'd confront her about it and make her stop. And if she didn't, then yeah, I can see our marriage falling apart.

 

[writer811]

In my family, nobody smokes around the kids, period. We have a real zero-tolerance policy about that. Guests smoke outside or they leave altogether and that includes family too. I grew up in a home of heavy smokers and I have lung and throat damage from it despite never having smoked in my life. I refuse to put the children through that.

 

[Lorenzo]

My wife doesn't smoke, but I do, just never in front of the kids, though. Anyway, my wife's sister smokes even with her kids around. I don't know how she has the guts to do it in front of the kids, when she knows fully well the ill-effects of second-hand smoke to others. You're right, her smoking has become a problem to her family. She kept insisting she would quit, but she never does. Her kids don't believe anything she says anymore.

 

[Dan]

My wife has been smoking on and off since we met. I didn't grow up around smokers so it smells bad to me but it only bothers me when she smokes in the car with the kids because they have asthma.

 

[Bear]

I am kind of suprised that people would actually consider leaving their spouse over smoking and "making them stop" is not going to happen. It is simply not that easy. I don't smoke anymore, but I used to and it is a very hard habit to break. I know a guy who got clean off of heroin, but he STILL couldn't stop smoking.

 

[Foster]

My wife smokes and has done since we met. She doesn't hide it from me or the kids but she does go outside to smoke, this is more down to the fact she doesn't want to expose the children to second hand smoke and it's a rented house and can't smoke in the house.

I have asked my wife to stop but wouldn't consider leaving her if she didn't, that would be like her leaving me if I didn't stop having a beer after work.

 

[micromachne]

I am kind of suprised that people would actually consider leaving their spouse over smoking and "making them stop" is not going to happen. It is simply not that easy. I don't smoke anymore, but I used to and it is a very hard habit to break. I know a guy who got clean off of heroin, but he STILL couldn't stop smoking.

I'd consider the splitting because it's not simply about "me and her". We're talking about her smoking potentially putting our children at health risks.

So the way I see it is this, you have to make a choice, your family's health or your smoking? Which is more important? I'm not saying it's easy to quit smoking, but it's something she HAS to attempt to do. Period.

 

[writer811]

I'd consider the splitting because it's not simply about "me and her". We're talking about her smoking potentially putting our children at health risks.

So the way I see it is this, you have to make a choice, your family's health or your smoking? Which is more important? I'm not saying it's easy to quit smoking, but it's something she HAS to attempt to do. Period.

I agree. Parenthood means putting your children first. Smoking has no practical use except to bring the smoker pleasure. If a parent refuses to give up smoking around the kids it represents a failure as a parent on their part because they are needlessly risking their children's health for their own pleasure. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to leave your spouse when they do this but if there's no other options, it may be the best way to protect the kids.

 

[flfsurveyor]

I did not have that problem. I was the smoker and as soon as my first child was born, I stopped, cold-turkey. But now, I found out that my daughter, mother of two, smokes while her husband doesn't. I had a brief discussion with her about it which I intend to follow-up with a longer one focusing on her and her children's health.

 

[BigPapa]

I would never leave my spouse over smoking but I would encourage her to quit and help her through it if she decided to give it up. Luckily I don't have to worry about this because my wife thinks cigarettes are as nasty as I do. We were both very excited when our state banned smoking at indoor public places like bars and restaurants.

 

[Jatelo2]

Though I do not directly share in the problem, I've seen it quite often. My best solution would be to talk. A Hard Talk that is what I'm talking about. Then decide if it was going to add any value to our relationship.If not then the partner will have to quit for the sake of the marriage and kids!

 

[Andersson]

This has not been an issue before for us but I have heard it from friends as well. I remember many years ago a friend smoked and split with her sons father (he also smoked), she dated a few guys after who never smoked but she was considerate. She never smoked around her kid or around the guys she dated, she was an outside of the home smoker which I think also helped.