Kids Thinking We'll "Get Back Together"

[Richard]

I've accepted that it's over. I wish I had done a better job, but my ex wife has moved on and it's probably for the best. My kids don't always seem so sure, though. My youngest, Ryan, asks sometimes when I'll move back into the house, even though I've been out for almost two years. How do I gently explain that it won't happen?

 

[Papa Bear]

That is a tricky one. How old is he? Maybe you can postpone the inevitable explanation until he can understand and accept the situation? Or maybe the explanation should come from both of you.

 

[Richard]

He's 10. I feel like maybe he knows that it's probably not going to happen, but he's kind of hoping it does anyway. My ex and I are careful not to speak negatively about each other in front of the kids (or at least, I am, and I think she is), and be civil when together, so I guess it looks like we still get along ok to them even though we live apart. Perhaps I should ask for her help in this.

 

[Matt]

There's no easy way to do it, but you must let them know that you love each other but you are better off apart. Depending on their age, there's only so much they can handle. They'll learn more when ready.

 

[Johnny]

I think honesty is the best policy. If you lie to them, they are going to get angry with you when they find out the truth. Say things in the nicest, most positive way that you possibly can.

 

[Richard]

Thanks, guys, I really appreciate it. I brought it up with my ex and I think we're going to have a sit-down with the kids this weekend. The two older girls, 12 and 14, seem to understand better, so hopefully it goes smoothly and doesn't just upset them.