Lack of the father figure

[syboken]

I am sure there are many fathers out there who look for support from their own fathers, when they in fact become fathers, esp. for the first time. What happens though when you do not have this option or another fatherly figure to look up to?

 

[benben]

My father died before I had my own children so instead I have found mentors to look up to. I find a mentor can be a wonderful way to learn new things and have someone to ask questions to.

 

[Unclerob]

I think you look to someone else. I know I am going to be a first time dad and I'm going to look to my brother and brother in law as well as my dad. I think you just look to other people.

 

[Tyler]

I have looked at friends as I am the last to have children and approaching the big 40! My friends and other family members are not shy with their advice so I hear it whether I want to or not.

 

[stayathomepaul]

I try to find other fathers to look up to. Men who have had experience and who are the kind of father that I want to be. I seldom take parenting advice from people who have never had kids.

 

[MilwaukeeJoe]

I did not have a great role model for a father. He and my mom got divorced when I was a pre-teen. My father was hardly around when I was growing up. From this I started to think of what kind of man and father I wanted to be. I work hard at being different from the model I had.

 

[minyoung]

Books and People (Both virtual and offline) Helped

I am sure there are many fathers out there who look for support from their own fathers, when they in fact become fathers, esp. for the first time. What happens though when you do not have this option or another fatherly figure to look up to?

My father passed away when I was still single. Worse, he was a silent person so my memory of wisdom imparted is scant. My siblings were not very helpful either. Neither were my friends and drinking buddies.

So, I resorted to reading lots of books about relationships. I thought it was better than asking "stupid" questions. I ended up with books like Personality Plus by Florence Littauer, Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, Men are From Women are from Venus by John Gray. Forums in fatherhood have also been helpful.

Most importantly, there are people out there who are serious fathers. Just go and check them out. You might be surprised. Sometimes they're the people you least expect.