I wonder why so many people are getting divorced and it struck me that most of the people I know list excuses like I need to find my true love, she nagged all the time and such. I realized that most of them are just chasing ghosts that they think will make their next relationship magically better. I hope most of the realize that dreams are not what makes our everyday life and it takes effort to coexist with one another. Don't you agree?
Make it Work People!
- Thread starter Restless
- Start date
It does take two people to make it work. When a third one comes in, watch out! I know I don't always hold my tongue when my wife gets on my nerves. She can do some crazy things. But somehow we are making it work. I'm too old to get a divorce, plus I'm not leaving my little girl. I love my wife, faults and all. She puts up with mine, too, at least so far.
It is always hard to live with someone we didn't grow up with. We need to adjust to almost everything about that person - quirks and all. I guess that is why it's called "marriage" because it means two different people becoming one. You and your wife cannot become one if you don't agree on anything. Marriage is a constant struggle, but if we just focus on the goal of uniting our family, there would never be a reason for divorce.
I agree with this. I think this is a product of being incomplete as themselves first before they marry, and then expect something grand from their partners to change who they are. They get married and this novelty of an idea wears off pretty fast. Many people seem to be great at making excuses for things that they asked for in the first place. However, I don't believe everyone can make it work. There are some people who just made a genuine mistake, and are truly better off making divorce work instead of marriage.
I agree with this. If I'd had to stay with my first wife forever, I would've been miserable. I am so much happier now. Fortunately I didn't have any kids with my first wife.
I think it should be harder to get married in the first place, rather than harder to get divorced. Getting divorced is a very tough process even under the best of circumstances.
encryptedbytes
New Member
I agree that you have to work at a relationship to keep it. It takes effort, communication, understanding, and compromise. With that being said, sometimes it just doesn't work and cannot be fixed.
When this is the case, I don't think it's a good idea to stay together "for the kids". Kids are smart and pick up on a lot more things that you may think. If your relationship isn't a healthy one your kids will know and they will get the wrong idea of what marriage is.
When all hope is lost and there's no going back, divorce just might be the right thing. It's tough on everyone, especially kids, so you both have to help the children understand that the relationship problems aren't because of them. You both love the children, you just don't love each other the way you need to be together.
When this is the case, I don't think it's a good idea to stay together "for the kids". Kids are smart and pick up on a lot more things that you may think. If your relationship isn't a healthy one your kids will know and they will get the wrong idea of what marriage is.
When all hope is lost and there's no going back, divorce just might be the right thing. It's tough on everyone, especially kids, so you both have to help the children understand that the relationship problems aren't because of them. You both love the children, you just don't love each other the way you need to be together.
Yeah I'm definitely an advocate of making it work. To err is human, no one is perfect. We have to be willing to put things aside and make things work. Of course as with everything else there are exceptions, but now a days it just seems people are willing to just get a divorce than just go through with it.
My answer
I think people these days are often too immature going into marriage, expecting too much of the other person without understanding the gravity of how much "give" and understanding is necessary to make it work.
Your partner is a PERSON, with their own feelings, needs and past to deal with, and with hopes and dreams all their own for the future... and that is a huge responsibility to understand this going into the marriage.
I happen to be a bit old fashioned, so I feel that the man should bear extra burden for his family. I feel (and it is OK to disagree) that the man should shoulder the brunt of the responsibility to be "the man" to be the strong one and do more than his share to make sure the family is safe, loved and protected in this world.
I just think the man should do more as the protector of not only the physical aspect of the family, but the emotional one as well. I could not tell you how many times I have stepped in, when needed, to show leadership within my family when my wife and son may have gotten into bickering about something, say my son needing to do his chores or something, and it turns into mom and son being too angry with one another... at that point, I feel it is my responsibility as a father and husband to step up and remind the two of them that they should be loving each other, and respecting each other...
I get them to look into each others eyes and remind them of all the love and great things we've shared and everything that has got us to where we are today... and this usually ends with some self-realizations, teary eyes, some apologies and love once again being the word-of-the-day once again.
Now THAT, to me is what a father should be doing...
Foster, protect and restore love into the family.
I think people these days are often too immature going into marriage, expecting too much of the other person without understanding the gravity of how much "give" and understanding is necessary to make it work.
Your partner is a PERSON, with their own feelings, needs and past to deal with, and with hopes and dreams all their own for the future... and that is a huge responsibility to understand this going into the marriage.
I happen to be a bit old fashioned, so I feel that the man should bear extra burden for his family. I feel (and it is OK to disagree) that the man should shoulder the brunt of the responsibility to be "the man" to be the strong one and do more than his share to make sure the family is safe, loved and protected in this world.
I just think the man should do more as the protector of not only the physical aspect of the family, but the emotional one as well. I could not tell you how many times I have stepped in, when needed, to show leadership within my family when my wife and son may have gotten into bickering about something, say my son needing to do his chores or something, and it turns into mom and son being too angry with one another... at that point, I feel it is my responsibility as a father and husband to step up and remind the two of them that they should be loving each other, and respecting each other...
I get them to look into each others eyes and remind them of all the love and great things we've shared and everything that has got us to where we are today... and this usually ends with some self-realizations, teary eyes, some apologies and love once again being the word-of-the-day once again.
Now THAT, to me is what a father should be doing...
Foster, protect and restore love into the family.
It does take two people to make it work. When a third one comes in, watch out! I know I don't always hold my tongue when my wife gets on my nerves. She can do some crazy things. But somehow we are making it work. I'm too old to get a divorce, plus I'm not leaving my little girl. I love my wife, faults and all. She puts up with mine, too, at least so far.
Victor Leigh
New Member
I have nothing against marriage. However I do not think that a marriage is meant to be a prison for life. In cases where life becomes unbearable living together, both parties must have the option to opt out, so to say.
Right now I am wifeless. Again. But I still want to marry again. To give it another old-fashioned one more try.
Right now I am wifeless. Again. But I still want to marry again. To give it another old-fashioned one more try.
In a word where divorce is just a step away, people can prove their love by literally trying to find a way to live together. Everyone has their own opinion, ideas, principles, and attitude wherein it is always impossible not to have a fight with your partner. The couples can prove their love by trying to work together in such times.
Victor Leigh
New Member
Till death do us part is a good idea. Provided that you are not living in hell by being together. There are some situations which makes divorce the only option.
As for myself, I became wifeless without really trying. After 26 years of marriage, she applied for divorce out of the blue. I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt. However, now that I am wifeless, I am not exactly unhappy with the situation.
Nevertheless, if the opportunity presents itself, I would seriously consider being shackled with a ball and chain again, so to say.
As for myself, I became wifeless without really trying. After 26 years of marriage, she applied for divorce out of the blue. I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt. However, now that I am wifeless, I am not exactly unhappy with the situation.
Nevertheless, if the opportunity presents itself, I would seriously consider being shackled with a ball and chain again, so to say.
Ownageprankers
New Member
It does take two people to make it work. When a third one comes in, watch out! I know I don't always hold my tongue when my wife gets on my nerves. She can do some crazy things. But somehow we are making it work. I'm too old to get a divorce, plus I'm not leaving my little girl. I love my wife, faults and all. She puts up with mine, too, at least so far.
Yeah I'm definitely an advocate of making it work. To err is human, no one is perfect. We have to be willing to put things aside and make things work. Of course as with everything else there are exceptions, but now a days it just seems people are willing to just get a divorce than just go through with it.
Yeah I'm definitely an advocate of making it work. To err is human, no one is perfect. We have to be willing to put things aside and make things work. Of course as with everything else there are exceptions, but now a days it just seems people are willing to just get a divorce than just go through with it.
R. Paradon
New Member
I don't suppose I am going to get any awards for this post but I guess that is how it goes.
I feel that marriage is a farce. Why do I need a license to live with a person and why should I need an attorney to leave the relationship? To me it does not make very much sense to go into a life long legal commitment with a person that really do not know. You can be in an engagement for two or three years and do not know what it will be like living with that person. You surely would not commit yourself in a business deal for 50 or more years.
I feel that marriage is a farce. Why do I need a license to live with a person and why should I need an attorney to leave the relationship? To me it does not make very much sense to go into a life long legal commitment with a person that really do not know. You can be in an engagement for two or three years and do not know what it will be like living with that person. You surely would not commit yourself in a business deal for 50 or more years.
For us religious people, marriage in an institution, and it is a holy one. I want the blessings that come from living to an old age with a loving, supporting partner by my side. We're both committed toward making it work. More than anything, I want to get to my death bed and be able to look back on my children, my grandchildren and my marriage and be able to say how good it all was. That's my dream, and I'm loving every day of the journey. I do believe in lifetime commitment for this fellow.