Talking behind my back

[Independent]

I do the best I can as a single dad. I live by the rule, "Treat others as you want to be treated". Still, some people I really trust have been talking behind my back. I am pretty upset about it. How do you handle this sort of thing?

 

[Ed35]

Ignore them! I think it's the best thing you can do. If you let them know they bother you they will keep doing it. That is just what they want - to upset you. It's just like you would tell your kids, let it go.

 

[KevinD]

You could get mad, but that won't do anything positive and could get you in trouble. Like Ed said, it's best to just turn and walk away. If you were a child, you'd want to stand up for yourself I think, but as adults, this is all petty stuff. Just be confident and not worry what others think.

 

[polamalu43]

I'm in agreement with both Ed and Kevin. Don't let them bother you! You know that what they are saying is crap - that is what matters. If they are saying things that are getting you in trouble - then I would talk to them.

 

[Ralphie]

I'm the kind of person that would go to one of these people and I would just tell them point blank what I heard, then ask them if it's true. I would choose the person I knew would tell everybody else about it too. I wouldn't be confrontational, I would just address it.

 

[PeterPater]

The guys above have given you great advice. The only thing I have to add is that you could tackle the source of this information. Someone is telling you about it - maybe better to ask them not to pass on anymore information.

 

[JenVarsity]

Unfortunately the drama will never end. Even if you are not hearing it, it is still there. I have been with my fiance seven years next month and people are always talking behind his back about what he does or how he raised his son or even how they are in agreement with the kid's mother.

His biggest pet peeve is the family (parents and siblings) still talking to his ex. That is truthfully where most of the rumors start and then get twisted up along the way.

There was a period where he and his ex were in a disagreement and his parents and sister took her side, talking to all their friends behind his back; it made things difficult. He removed himself from the situation. This required him not to talk or visit with the family in excess of a year, but after, we received acknowledgement that they were sorry and should have listened more. We are going on three years without anyone butting into his parenting, but the family drama remains ;-)

Best of luck in whichever direction you choose to go!

 

[collin]

talk behind your back?

if people talk behind your back that is a shame on them, not you. If they are any kind of stand up people, if they had concerns about you for any reason, they should come talk to you about them like concerned adults and offer help if needed to help what they perceive to be any issues. Otherwise they are just gossiping fools who should keep their mouths shut.

Talking behind one's back is the stuff of cowards, and their shameful act should i no way reflect on you. I know being a single dad is not easy, having been one myself, but for people to talk behind your back is nothing but hurtful, and it is not HELPFUL in any way...so pull your head up, and be as proud as you can be and just go along and try to be the best father you can possibly be.

You are the one who ultimately has to look at yourself in the mirror and be able to say to yourself that you have put the best interests of the children over everything else in life. You need to be able to honestly say that to yourself (and mean it) or if you can't... then maybe some soul searching is needed, and some corrections needed.

Being a single dad is really tough, especially since men lack the motherly instincts of the woman, which can, to some on the outside make it look like you're not doing the best job possible... but ask yourself if you really are doing EVERYTHING you can to be the best parent o your kids. Ask yourself and be honest Look into every aspect of your parenting...the real answer usually lies from within your heart. You'll know...

As for the talk... let them. Or if you know for sure it is going on, ask them to rather speak up to your face and offer what they perceive to be solutions rather than inflaming things and talking behind your back which is nothing but hurtful.

 

[bray2160]

I really wouldn't worry about what others are saying behind my back if I were you. The only thing I'd be focused on is being the best dad I could possibly be. People are going to say things whether it's good or bad. I've learned to take them both in stride. You can not get caught up in specific situations. Talking behind someones back is petty.

 

[Victor]

People talk behind each others' backs; it's human nature. It's not particularly nice, but many people do it. Now you know you can't trust these people, so keep that in mind for the future.

I have to wonder at the motives of the person telling you all about it.

 

[Lieutenant]

Well my advice is not always easy to do. I would advise you to find better friends and let the negative comments and things roll off your shoulders. In my job I use deflection a lot and it really helps get rid of any negative statements. It will also make you feel much better. An example would be someone calling me a pig (because of my job) and I would say, I understand your angry, oink. Takes the wind out of their sails pretty quick.

 

[Lorenzo]

I do the best I can as a single dad. I live by the rule, "Treat others as you want to be treated". Still, some people I really trust have been talking behind my back. I am pretty upset about it. How do you handle this sort of thing?

I don't think these people are worthy of your trust. If they are, they would not have talked behind your back and instead, tell you upfront what their problem is with you. If these are your real friends, they would not resort to "back talking."
Like what everyone here said, it's better to confront these people once and for all.

 

[Victor Leigh]

Here are some ideas from an old man.

First, know your own worth. Once you know that, then you do not have to live up to other people's yardsticks.

Two, know what you are doing. Once you know that, then you do not have to worry about what other people may think about what you are doing.

Three, life is too short to waste on thinking about people who have nothing better to do with their time than to talk about other people.

Hope that helps.

 

[flfsurveyor]

Then you must be doing something good and maybe these people are just envious. Let them talk! Think of it as feedback which you would also need. Perhaps, they just do not have the courage to talk to you directly. Victor brought up a good point, tho. Did you ask the person/s who brought you the news on why they told you? You may want to do is confront these people who talk behind your back as long as you don't come across as being defensive. Let me ask, are these people from your wife's side of the fence? If yes, then you know the reason why they talk. Cheers!

 

[Babar]

You should confront them and tell them straight up that kind of talk will jeopardize your friendship. Then be careful what you reveal to them in any future conversations.

 

[micromachne]

Unfortunately, this is something plenty of people do these days. Whether it be good or bad.

But the thing with that is, it gives you a clear indication of who you can/ can't trust. Just be weary of them and make it a point NOT to divulge to them.

 

[joeldgreat]

You can talk to them telling them to stop it. The good thing about it is that it would have a better probability that they will listen to you and would really stop what they are doing. As you said, they're the people whom you trust and I think they would listen to you.

You also have the option of not bothering it, which in turn would not stop the nasty behavior.

Of the two, I would prefer the first one. Sooner or later, when enough is enough, you had to do it. All you need is the courage to make the move.

 

[Don]

I would ignore it unless I thought they were actually trying to cause trouble. If they were actually trying to cause problems,then I would confront them.

 

[micromachne]

I would ignore it unless I thought they were actually trying to cause trouble. If they were actually trying to cause problems,then I would confront them.

I'm not totally sure I'd ignore it. I just wouldn't act on it unless I had to. When you KNOW someone is talking behind your back, it's hard to trust the person and tell them things. And they start to realize that once they see how withdrawn you are with them.