Make it Work People!

[JCJ]

I wonder why so many people are getting divorced and it struck me that most of the people I know list excuses like I need to find my true love, she nagged all the time and such. I realized that most of them are just chasing ghosts that they think will make their next relationship magically better. I hope most of the realize that dreams are not what makes our everyday life and it takes effort to coexist with one another. Don't you agree?

This post is full of wisdom for sure. When I got divorced it was all her idea. She just turned 21 (married young) and enjoyed the night life. I was prepared to put up with it until this "phase" passed, but she didn't want to be tied down. After me, she bounced from relationship to relationship but no one made her happy. Years later we're semi back-together. Wouldn't it have been easier to just put some effort into making it work in the first place? Certainly would have been cheaper.

 

[taskeinc]

Over 50% Divorce Rate

The divorce rate, in my humble opinion, is so high in the United States because unfortunately one party usually makes out pretty well, while the other party tends to struggle financially.

The late blues singer Johnnie Taylor said it best when he sang, "It's Cheaper To Keep Her." We can hide behind this fact if we want to, but whatever spouse that is awarded custody of the children, will usually land on his or her feet financially.

I'm not making this a gender issue but it's a fact that 85% of mothers are awarded custody of children after a divorce. If this figure were closer to 50/50 there would be fewer divorces. If a woman knew there would be a strong possibility that she would have to pay anywhere from $600 to $1500 monthly for child support, she would be less likely to file for a divorce, and more likely to try to work it out.

I am not referring to women who were abused in their marriages and not referring to those women who had to deal with a cheating husband. Mental and physical abuse, along with infidelity are deal breakers. Other than that, both parties should make a concerted effort to stay together and often times, this is not the case.

 

[AvalonX]

Its cheaper to keep her.

Just kidding. I have been in a rocky marriage for years and we are still trying to make it work. Its unfortunate because we only have a year left on our mortgage with 2 kids. The part that sucks is the Father really gets the shaft. She gets to keep everything and you have to pay making it really hard for the Father to start a new life. Its reality, if you are male and make an error in marriage like picking the wrong one its an expensive mistake. Especially with kids.

 

[tommymac]

It's kinda hard to make it work when the other is determined to obtain their freedom. A wedding takes two, but a divorce only takes one.

 

[Hedonologist]

I think this is an important point. Not just regarding finances but generally couples don't try to work things out when they could do at times. I think some previous hurdles to divorce acted as a safeguard from which couples would work their differences out, but now it's much easier to end it without any effort from either party.

 

[BigDaddy]

Im going to be the odd man out here. People do change, more so now than in the past. Women stayed home, they didnt work. Roles were quite easily defined. Today there is a need for both parents to work and the definition of family has many meanings. The girl you met and married is not the same woman, mother and working professional you are married to today. In the past the girl you married became a mother and a woman that was it. The life pressures we feel now, I feel, are one of the main reasons for divorce today. My Ex was not the same person I married. She was a very different person the day I divorced and she is still a stranger to me. It wasnt due to ack if trying, it was just that our goals, wants and needs grew to be vastly different. Had we stayed married for the sake of the children we would have just prolonged the misery. We can be friendly but I couldnt imagine living under the same roof as her ever again.

 

[tommymac]

"Make it work".

You make it sound so easy, but it's not always that easy. Sometimes, there are issues that you just can't work past. And you know what? Maybe....just maybe...love shouldn't be such hard work.

 

[Jatelo2]

I wonder why so many people are getting divorced and it struck me that most of the people I know list excuses like I need to find my true love, she nagged all the time and such. I realized that most of them are just chasing ghosts that they think will make their next relationship magically better. I hope most of the realize that dreams are not what makes our everyday life and it takes effort to coexist with one another. Don't you agree?

You have my vote here. Over expectation is what is driving marriages crazy. We simply need to start seeing the perfect person in the imperfect partner we have. There is no way around this issue, Tolerance is the only way to a very successful marriage.

 

[BigPapa]

I think that people enter into marriage far too easily these days. They think, hey why not if I am not happy I can get divorced. I had a friend who married a woman he barely knew not once but twice. He has divorced once and the jury is still out on how the 2nd will turn out. I was with my wife for 6 years before we married and started our family and it is still hard work every day.

 

[NoRisk]

I agree to a point yes. I think many people don't try hard enough at their relationships, and need to think back to how it was. That being said, some relationships just simply do not work, and the best option is divorce. It's a shame those people didn't realise that earlier, but hey... it happens.

 

[youngone]

I think the underlying reason divorce rates are so high is because monogamy is unnatural. The notion that we should stay with one person for the rest of our lives is absurd. Of course, there are examples where this happens but I don't think it is 'natural'. We are attracted to many different people, staying with one person is repressing your nature. Also, we live in a world where cheating is more accessible than ever with the rise of the internet, dating sites and social networks etc.

 

[footballtim]

There is a time when the term 'Make it work' applies, and a time when it does not. I was in a relationship (not a marriage) for seven years. The woman was abusive, the last five years were with out any intimacy, and the woman stopped working for the last three years of the relationship, making me a meal ticket and a sucker. So was I a 'ghost chaser' because I finally told her after sever years that I would make sure the door did not hit me in the behind on the way out?

My wife comes from a dysfunctional family. Her mother was extremely abusive to her, her brother and her father. The only relationship her parents had was the extreme placating of the mother by the father. He stood by her no matter what. As it turns out, his only two choices were to leave and lose his children, or stay and have a ruined life. He chose the latter. As he got older, he got sick, and because all the abuse made him get sicker quicker, he died at age 71.

And then there are people who only stay together because of their religion. That makes me sick, and that is another reason why I have no use for organized religion of any kind.

'Make it work people' is way to general. Every situation is different, and NOBODY should stay with anyone when there is excessive abuse involved. Once again, children may complicate a situation like that.

Instead of saying 'Make it work people', I say,
"Take a step back. Sit down. Have a conversation with yourself, then with your partner. Come up with the right decision. Don't chase ghosts, but don't try to resurrect the dead either. And finally, as the song by 'The Little River Band' goes, listen to your heart. Are you still in love? Is your partner still in love? If the answer to one or both of those questions is 'no', then move on.

 

[youngone]

A friend of mine had a lying, cheating, psychopathic, bullying girlfriend and he tried to make it work for over year. Making it work in such circumstances is impossible. He has since broke up with the psycho, she stopped him from seeing his son and he recently won access rights in court.

 

[ghanashyam]

The concept of marriage is not only unification of bodies but also souls. And when each one of them come from different set of families there had to be a conflict. Is it not necessary that we should be more realistic and understand that a family is incomplete with both happily sharing the single bed? And where the guarantee that you will get the best of deal next time?

 

[tommymac]

The concept of marriage is not only unification of bodies but also souls.

That's completely false. The concept of marriage is to guarantee exclusive sexual rights and to establish paternity and inheritance rights. The concept of "uniting souls" is a religious aspect that was tacked on much later than the initial concept was formed. Marriage is and always has been a social contract. This is why the state administers marriage and not the church.