The only thing I will say about this is that I know first hand how getting involved and thinking you are doing the right thing can have horrible consequences that you might not realize at the time. If you aren't close friends with the wife, then counseling your friend is all you should be doing. Let it blow up all on its own if that is what it's going to do. When you pull the pin out of the grenade, you can never put it back in. You have no way of knowing how far reaching the fall out will be. Good luck, man.